I wanted to talk today about first impressions...., primarily because no matter how hard I try, I never seem to make a good one.
I tend to come off as either really disinterested, or a bit of of a dick.
I am more of the "Second Chance Draw" kind of a guy, because no matter how bad the first impression was, the second is usually ok.
The problem is that quite often, the type of person this attitude attracts, are not really that nice to know either. Consequently I know a lot of not very nice people. Not good for the social life I can tell you, though for the most part I can tell you who needs watching in a bar, and can usually sniff out a good score, just by these associations. Also because of this I have too few, true friends, and even less that I trust more than as just a cursory thing. I can count on just one hand the people that I trust more than completely. I have "Trust Issues" as well, in case you haven't already figured that out.
I guess in part that is one of the many reasons, that I am writing this blog. I want to change my motus operandi, I am desperate to change..., I just don't know how.
I really need to get out more...
5 Tactical Suggestions...:
These are tough issues to deal with. You don't want ppl to believe you're a bastard at first sight... or a fake when they later find out the true you.
I have some deeply rooted trust issues myself. I can't say I have managed to scrub them off, more like learned to live with them. All in all I think (hope) I'm doing ok with using the 'best' parts of my issues to my advantage.
Honestly it doesn't take much to spot signs of whom to trust in the long run, and not. In a single random party that doesn't mean much, we're there to have fun, most we'll never see again.
To make it more lasting, I think it's important not lose ourselves in pretending to be someone else, and accept others as they are. Hopefully that works both ways and it'll lead us in the right direction.
Crappy comment right? Sorry!
Love
D
Not at all mate!
Enlightening and worthwhile, would be better descriptions.
Thanks.
Dan's got it right, of course.
What can I add? To paraphrase John Lennon 'Give people a chance'.
Probably plenty of those we meet have issues of various sorts. Some open up to people they meet on a superficial level, while remaining pretty tight inside. Others take a guardedly friendly attitude and hope for the same in return. Maybe it's only fools who rush in.
Hi Oct,
I understand what you mean about having trust issues. I have them with some people, and sadly, I grew into them with my wife. Being a loner is the easy way, but it's lonely. I got so desperate for some trusting friends to talk about gay and personal issues with, I started blogging and emailing. Sound familiar? It is working out, but I really want more people that I can actually see and touch and know the expression on their face. It is still a leap of faith to talk about in person what I talk about on line, but I am getting there. At least you are out; count yourself lucky.
R
Being an unsocial misfit, I can't offer you much advice here, other than perhaps to give yourself a once-over a moment before a first meeting, if you have time / planned. I know its incredibly difficult for me, but perhaps you can concentrate enough to say "ok, if I say this I will sound bad, if I say that, I will come across better". Or something like that - just something I wish I could do, maybe you'll have more luck with it.
:)
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