Humourous find...

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m.  E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

Something someone sent me at work...

Little Zachary was doing quite badly in math. His parents had tried everything. tutors, mentors, flash cards, Special Learning Centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math.

Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little
Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little
Zachary was hard at work.

His mother was amazed She called him down to dinner. To her  shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.

Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise Little Zachary got an "A" in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity.

She went to his room and said, "Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. "Well, then," she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms?" Little Zachary looked at her and said, "On the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."

Had the best sleep ever....

As the title suggests I have not long woken from the best sleep I have had in a very long time. The past few weeks have been pretty stressful and I have been getting on average about 4-5 hours of sleep a night. Well that was down to three and a half on Friday night, as the boss had begged me to come in on Saturday morning. So rather than starting my weekend with a good sleep in, I got up at 0730, to be at work at 0830. It was a big day at work, so the boss wanted as many people on as she could get. I was the only one that showed up, of the extras that she had asked to come in.

So anyways, after four hours (I had told her that I would only do a half day), I went and did a bit of shopping. I had planned to do this anyway, just a little earlier.So after I finished I headed to the big mall near my work. I love that place and can spend hours there just wandering around. Plus being a Saturday afternoon, on a particularly nice day, there was plenty to perve at..., yummy! All I ended up with was a couple of nice shirts, and some groceries, but a good afternoon all the same.

So on the way home I stop in at the video store. I picked up the new Punisher, the new Clive Owen (I love Clive Owen!) called The International, the remake of Race to witch mountain, and Frost and Nixon. I watched witch mountain first, pretty good, though I still prefer the original! Anyways it is getting on to be around five, and I am getting a little sleepy, so I put on the The International, and crawl into bed. I didn't even see the opening credits. I woke up briefly at midnight, looked at my clock, thought "Oh shit!" looked outside and saw that it was still dark, so promptly rolled over and went back to sleep. Woke up again when my alarm went off at 0730.

So after checking out the latest posts on the blogs I follow, here I am. I'm feeling top notch after that sleep to be honest, so it should be a really good day!

Have a happy weekend peoples.

PS: I bought this on the way home...

 

I have to say I was a little disappointed! There was only peanuts in there!!!!

That's some funny shit...

So I was at work today, when this comes into my email..., I have some odd and wonderful friends, with too much time on their hands!!

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For the serious hobbyist/DIY practitioner who has everything else. Cordless, too!

New Nail Gun, made by DeWALT.
It can drive a 16-D nail through a 2 X 4 at 200 yards.




This makes construction a breeze, you can sit in your lawn chair and build a fence.
With the five hundred round magazine, you can build even the longest fence with a minimum of reloading.


Just get your wife to hold the fence boards in place while you sit back, relax with a cold beer and when she has the board in the right place, just fire away.
After a day of fence building with the new DeWalt Rapid fire nail gun, the wife will not ask you to build or fix anything else again.