Back to basics...

Holy crap it's been a long time, had to really dust off the old dashboard, just to see how this thing works again! Let's see... it was November when I posted last, so that makes it what, almost five months? Yeah that sounds about right. Long time, huh? Seriously though, I have kinda been lurking for all that time, I still check up on my favourite blogs from time to time, you may have noticed the odd comment here and there. I just haven't really felt the motivation to put myself out there for a while.

Lots has changed over that time, lots of guys have come and gone and some that I never thought to see again, have even come back from the depths. Still, there's heaps of blogs I miss, I have to say, but like everything else, nature abhors a vacuum and I notice that there's few pretty good new ones too.

So what's been happening in those months? Lots of things I guess. I moved out of the last place and went clear across the city, moving in with a chick that I worked with. I say that in the past tense, because she no longer works with us. In a way, it was the biggest mistake I've made in a very long time and I'll tell you why. Everything was going great for the first few weeks, then just before Christmas, she decides to have a major meltdown at work and quits her job. Didn't have another one to go to, just ups and walks out... I mean who does that, in this day and age? Crazy bitch!

So we're still living togehter for a while, just in a purely platonic sense of corse... I mean a girl? YUCK!!! Hahahaha... Anyways, she seems to be ok, has a little money saved and whatnot, so we're good for rent and bills and the like. Then I find out one night, that she's been relying on her mother for most of the cash and she's gonna get cut off if she doesn't move home, so that's exactly what she does. I end up taking over the flat and the bills.

Like I said, kind of a shitty situation really, but at the same time, it's kinda good. I now live alone, in my very own place! Still renting of course, but my name is on the lease agreement, so for all intents and purposes the place is mine. That's kinda cool really, I feel like all grown up and shit! It's definitely an interesting feeling, when you come in the door and see a home full of a whole bunch of stuff, then remember that it's all yours. Expensive though!

So in a lot of ways, I guess things are pretty good, I'm coping with the money situation at least. Still in the same job though, which pretty much sucks, but at least I have one, right?Still single too, which is a total bummer... Or not, as the case may be... hahahaha... Oh come on... A bit of potty humour never hurt anyone!

I finished writing my first book too, for any that ever read it and am well into the second, or sequel. A few of the girls at work have read it and keep getting on me to get published. I dunno about that though, I'm still not sure that it's good enough... Not too mention the fact that I really hate rejection! Still, maybe one day, might be nice to cruise through a book store and see my own sitting on a shelf... maybe...

Well that's about it for now, I think I've bored you for long enough... if anyone even reads this drivel anymore, that is!

Once upon a time in... Wellington?

Man I'm really starting to suck at this whole blogging thing. I dunno what's with me really, I've never had so much trouble saying something before. I mean usually I just open my fat mouth and a whole pile of shit just rushes out. Actually, that's a pretty funny image don't ya think? I even took a six week break from writing my book... I think it was six weeks.

To be fair, I really don't know what the hell is going on. I just feel in this kind of sticky molasses type malaise lately. Like I just can't be bothered doing anything, when I get home from work I just conk out on the bed and watch movies, before drifting off to sleep. I'm even totally behind in all the blogs I follow... sorry to those of  you that still care about me... I will catch up one day, I promise.

It's work I think, to be honest, it's totally killing me. I feel so drained. So much so that I barely even leave the house anymore, unless it's to go back to that shithole, or get supplies. Nine Inch Nails had it so totally right... everyday is exactly the fucking same! I know I need to get out more, but I just totally don't have the energy.... the sad thing is, is I'm really lonely.

I'm on the way back though I think... maybe this will become a regular thing again.

The Long Kiss Goodnight...

I'd like to say that I haven't blogged in over a month, because I haven't had anything to blog about. But when I actually sit down and think about it..., well..., that really isn't true. The problem I have is that what I have had to blog about, is not all that pleasant. I haven't murdered anybody quite yet, so it's not that bad, it's just not overly happy is all.

To be honest, I've been feeling pretty depressed. My life as it stands, is one giant steaming pile of horseshit, or at least it has been. I'm still totally alone, and this really bothers me..., and to be fair, it's even for the lack of trying. But then, even my favourite toy doesn't seem to have that much appeal for me right now. Don't get me wrong..., we do still play..., just no where near as much as we used too..., if you catch my drift. I dunno..., I really just hope it's because I've been too tired lately.

Why am I tired? Well work is really hammering me. This whole new roster we have, is really getting me down. Four early starts, two days off, then four late finishes..., and then the whole thing starts all over again. It just seems like time is slipping away from me lately, or at least, that it's going a lot faster or something. I swear, that when I was doing a five on two off, the weeks weren't going this fast.

Then to add insult to injury, my worklife isn't going that well either. New manager, new overall boss..., and lot's of change. Why is it that very new person has to change things..., and why can't they see that what they're doing is not for the better? Can't they tell that we were happy the way we were? The mind truly boggles.

On the plus side, there is this particularly cute young fella that's started. Swimmers physique, not too tall, and the deepest most beautiful brown eye's I've ever seen..., not too mention a very cute butt. That I can work at all, when he's there, and in his usual "Playful" mode, is really quite beyond me. Be playful, I mean that he's an incessant tease..., he's beautiful, and sadly..., he knows it. Plus I think he knows what it does to me.I really am quite shameful in my staring..., must actually work on that at some point.

What it has done though, is brought out ,y feelings of loneliness. All I want is someone to hold, someone to love, who'll love me back..., is that really too much to ask? Honestly..., I don't think so..., sometimes I really feel like I'm destined to be alone.

Even my trusty Jeep failed me the other day, when i failed it's warent. Suspension swing arm and axle joint out of alignment. It's been that ay since I bought it, and has never been a problem in the past.., now it's a $1000 dollar problem. And that's money that at the time, I just didn't have..., thankfully the bank has sorted me out. But now, I'm in even greater debt..., I really hate debt!

Why does being an adult have to be so hard..., I thought it was supposed to be easy. In all seriousness..., I think I'd rather be 14 again

Lost in Translation

It would have been my little brother's birthday today..., just seven days after mine..., I turned 32, he would have been 17. I was 15 when he came into my life, and through an unfortunate series of events, I was still 15 when he went out of it. I can't find it within myself to accept or forgive for that. I just can't get over what I missed out on, watching him grow to the fine young man, I know he would have been, watching him tumble through life's many obstacles, being right there to hold his hand or dry his tears.

All that was taken from me, and I'm really seriously bothered by it. What's worse is that I just can't ever seem to figure out why? One of the most provocative questions since man was still cavorting in caves and loincloths..., WHY?!

I've done a lot of soul searching over the years, spent some time in a deep depression, and more time at the bottom of a bottle. This wasn't all of it, no my brother was only part of it, but he was a big part. I've had people try to talk me out of it, I've even had people telling me about god's will..., well I can tell you now..., what an absolute load of total fucking BOLLOCKS!

I mean look..., if you want to follow a faith, and be all you can be for god, you go right ahead. Far be it for me to tell you how to live your life. But..., and this is a big but..., I cannot in all good conscience even begin to believe in something that would take away the love joy and happiness that was taken away from my family. Sorry but I just don't have the time or energy for that.

This is all I have to go on now. I have absolutely no way of knowing what kind of guy he would have become, or what he would have looked like, though I can imagine..., because imagination is all I have left.

The Matrix...

That's just about how I'm feeling right now. Just a number..., used up like a tired battery pack about to be flushed. I so totally swear that the company I work for, has taken it's management style straight from that movie..., it even has agents I tell you! Even though they're in the form of HR reps, they're still godawful agents. Right now it's survey time..., new CEO, new ideas. He wants to be in the top ten employers of my country within five years..., WTF?! Better start treating us better then!

Like I said though, it's survey time..., we just did one for how we would like to see the company..., yeah like they're gonna pay attention to that! Now we have to do one about how the company actually is..., hahahahaha!!! What a laugh..., i'm actually looking forward to that one. They say it's confidential, I don't believe them..., I don't give a fuck either! It's time for total 100% unadulterated honesty.

To make matters worse, my department is being "Restructured", my job is still safe, thank God! But it's interesting what they have planned, and there may be a job going going that might be good for me. A new position is being created, called the "Contact Centre Manager". As the only one with the seniority and experience, I may even get it..., would be a jump in salary of about $15K, so that'll  come in handy. It will also mean no more shift work, and no more nights, so that'll be good too I reckon. Not sure if I want that level of responsibility though. I'll let you know if anything comes of it.

On another note, yeah it's been a while huh? I know..., I'm a real bad blogger. I'm pretty slack too, not that that matters though. Almost a month has gone past, and not a great deal of interest to talk about.

I did finish writing my first book though, and it seems to have been well received. I've even started working on the next one. Trying a different style with that, so should be fun. If you're interested the link is still on the side bar, just click on the navy symbol.

Well that's it I guess, just checking in, for those that care...

Hugs, Courage and Honour!

Octavius.

Desperado...

God! What a shit week i'm having so far..., and it's only been three days!!!! Tuesday (first day back after my weekend), was probably the worst. As if it was a parting shot, my team leader let slip to me that I was in some serious shit for swearing on the phones. Now I make it a point to never swear on the phone, because you really can't tell who's listening right? Well as it turns out, this particular time, my phone didn't disconnect after a call, and the new manager is listening in to calls. My phone is sometimes dodgy like that, apparently the punter had disconnected, so it really isn't that bad..., I only found that out today however!

Scared me shitless..., she let me stew on it for almost three days, thinking that i'm about to be fired for gross misconduct! To tell you the truth, i'm seriously considering a "PG" over the whole thing, at the very least some nice relaxing "Stress leave"..., hmmm yeah free leave on full pay..., that'll fuck em! In the end though, all i'm getting is a verbal warning about my behaviour..., I said to that..., "With all the shit we have to deal with..., a boy has to vent! Still I have to say that I am thankful that i'm employed..., it could've turned out a lot worse.

So what else then..., well..., i'm ramped up the new job search, I just have to get out of there, and i'm now very much actively looking. Had some good luck, and some bad. There's been a couple that might be good ones that i'm on the list for. So on that i'll just have to wait and see.

Have also lost contact with a couple of friends over the last week or two. Bit of a shame really because they're some pretty cool guys, and I really do kinda miss them. Probably my own fault really, I think I should have paid better attention. Have sent a few emails trying to reconnect, so maybe something will come of it..., who knows?

At this juncture..., i'm reminded of a phrase I hear once, one that I think I should take heed to...

"This too shall pass..."

Courage and Honour!

Octavius.

One flew over the cuckoos nest...

My god what a shit week! Honestly i'm just barely holding onto the very thin threads of what is left of my sanity. Let me tell you...., it's not all that easy, but I am trying. What's making it worse is that the lovely government we have, in their infinite wisdom has decided to raise the price of tobacco..., 24% instant increase..., that works out to around $8 on top of the already exorbitant price that they already demand. It's just shit, because I can just bet that my company will claim poverty again when it comes to pay-rises this year.

Honestly I'm just making ends meet right now, and this is just one more kick to the nuts! All the excuses in the world aren't enough to disguise the fact that this is just another blatant revenue grab, and it's really getting me down.


I'm still looking for a better job though, and things are somewhat promising at the moment, even though I have been knocked back a few times, things are still looking up. Hopefully I can get something going soon, because I tell you what..., i'm gonna lose it if I don't.

Definitely, Maybe...

Been a long time huh..., I hate to say it, but the reports of my untimely demise are woefully untrue. The sad fact of the matter is that I've just been having a really shitty time of it lately. We've lost several staff at work, and the powers that be don't seem that keen on replacing them..., makes for a much heavier workload for all the rest of us, and it's getting us all down. Not too mention the shitty performance rep I got, and the manager that has no clue what he is doing. Fun times all round really. So in a nutshell that does give you a little idea as to my absence, really all I want to do most nights when I get home, is to just crawl into bed and await the onslaught for the next day.

It's not all doom and gloom though..., I have been having a little fun. Been spending some good quality time with friends, and watching a few good movies. I saw "Where the wild things are" the other day, was pretty good actually, bit nostalgic too, I can remember my dad reading that to me when I was a kid. I thought that the movie was a little scary actually, well for little kids anyway, but was still pretty good.

One thing I will mention, my blog is now..., as of the 28th of last month..., technically a year old. Though I didn't really start to post in any kind of a regular fashion until about August I think..., anyways so yeah, a year old, pretty cool huh?

Something else too..., and this is something I started right back at the beginning of this year, I do something with posts that no one has seemed to notice. Something with titles..., I had figured that at least someone would have picked  up on it..., maybe not though, as it seems that no one has.


Well that's about all for today..., am gonna post some pics and a few music clips as well, just coz I haven't done it in a while.

Hugs and kisses on all your pink parts...

Octavius.

Man on Fire

Just a quick note to let you all know that I still alive. Barely, but still here. Had some staffing issues at work, and that has meant that i am pulling really long hours and mostly on my own..., consequently I am totally exhausted! So much so that when I get home, I have barely enough energy to read a few blogs, before I crawl into my very comfortable bed. Everything seems to be on the back burner right now, but I am trying very hard to keep up with my writing.

Found a new blogger today though, and he's a Kiwi..., makes me very happy, as I was starting to get a little lonely over here. He's a young fella, but seems well worth the visit..., DC is his name, and can be found HERE.

Guess what i said in the last post, has turned out to be an epic fail, but I still have those things to talk about, and I will get to them..., hopefully soon!

Hugs, Courage and Honour!

Octavius.

Generations...

Wow! Interesting weekend. Finished work on Thursday evening and pretty much drove straight home to the parents house. Did have to stop off at mine, as I didn’t want to leave all my shit in the Jeep over the day…, to easy to steal anything, I didn’t want to run the risk. I tell you the last thing that I need is to have someone cut through my windows!

Drive wasn’t so bad, it’s only about an hour and a half away…, depending on traffic. Have always liked driving at night for some reason…, no idea why…, guess it’s just more peaceful. Anyways got home to find my brother and his Australian wife there. Out of all the years they have been together, I really have only spent a couple of days, in total, with her, so I still have yet to form a proper opinion. Not really sure about her though…, seems to need to be in the spotlight all the time, and I have to admit this bothers me a little. It was pretty late when I arrived, so we pretty much all went to bed…, well they did, I stayed up watching telly till I fell asleep a few hours later.

So the next day got rudely awoken far too early…, as I was on the lounge floor, by everyone walking around. I think I managed about five hours in the end. The kid was screaming, the brother was fighting with the wife…, all good natured, but they seemed to either forget that I was there, or they just didn’t care. Probably the latter…, my brother has been a right prick to me since we we’re both kids. I have no idea what his problem is, I mean he is the favourite…, and the oldest, so he always got everything, and I got punished and held back for his mistakes. Still…, I’m not bitter…, really

So when mum (The evil stepmother… hahahahaha…, no not really we love each other to pieces.), got home, we all packed up the vehicles and jumped in. Mum was riding with me, as there was only room for three in dad’s car, what with the baby in all, and I have this thing about smoking while I drive…, mum is the only other smoker of this group so she tagged along with me. Was a great trip, took about 4 hours to get to Taupo. Mum and I talking each other’s ears off the whole way. My sister, and my other niece, came down from Auckland and met us there. Was really good to see them, my god that little girl has shot up! My own fault for being lax in my visiting I guess.

Taupo itself was fantastic! Weather was beautiful, clear skies, sunny, and very hot the whole time we were there. Temps were hovering around the 30c (80f, for our American cousins) mark, even the nights were hot at around half that. Took the roof off of the Jeep, as soon as I got there. I just love the feeling of that…, that whole wind through the hair thing. Spent quite a bit of time, just running around the country side, doing the touristy things. The first night we had a kick ass bbq dinner, was super yum. Then the second night we went out for a picnic of ‘Fish and Chips’ on the side of the lake. Was just amazing to watch the sun go down over the hills, the sunstrike on water…, simply beautiful.

Went to a place called Huka Falls. It’s not really a water fall, in the traditional sense, but the awesome power of it can not be denied. The ‘Falls’ themselves is a passage in a river, where hundred odd meter expanse, is forced into a fifteen meter channel. You could feel the rumble of it up on the bridge. Went out on the second night. Town was pretty dead even though there was a big round the lakes fun run thing, but then I guess it is a little town. Didn’t see much in the way of candy, but there was a fella that I had my eye’s on. If I wasn’t with my brother, his wife, and my sister..., I may have even considered pursuing him. But alas, sober driver duties took precedence.

While I was there I took a walk along the track that ran beside the river. Was some truely beautiful scenery there. Reminds me just how lucky I am to live in the country I do...

On the drive home, the seating arrangements were the same, so mum and I spent even more time together. Was really great, as we usually don’t get to spend this much time together. Was an interesting trip home, ended up taking the loooonnnnggg route home. I admit, I missed a few turns, but neither of us really cared. We stopped at Ohakune for gas and a piece of bacon and egg pie…, YUM! Then headed down the island. Once we got to the homestead, we just chillaxed for a while, before having a bang up BBQ. Steaks and salad…, all good.

After dinner I drove home. Again at night, so I was shocked to see the hills on fire. Appears some child thought it would be fun to set fire to a few things. Shame for him it got way out of control. Still the skyline looked pretty cool as the hillside burned.

So that was my trip…., pretty cool huh?

Hell is for Heroes...

I had a post all lined up..., even had it completely written out. But in the end, it was far too dark..., even for me!! Suffice it to say, I had a rather shitty day at work (Being understaffed in a busy period when everything breaks, is super uncool!!), and was stupid enough to contemplate writing a post. I have since thought better of posting it.

 

This is how it feels sometimes.

Thanks for all the comments, they really were my one and only shining light in an otherwise dreary day. And that email that you sent..., you know who you are (Though how you got out of the basement is anyone's guess... hahahahahaha!!), I will think about it. I make no guarantees though.

I have been rather down lately, and I do kinda feel cut off from the rest of the world. I have made a lot of friends in the blogsphere, but they all seem to be elsewhere in the world, and the time differences are really getting me down. Hence the "Cut off" feeling. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I guess though, unless I move elsewhere in the world, which may be a possibility, I will just have to get over it.

Maybe one day I will be on the inside looking out..., instead of the outside looking in......

More later.....

Quantum of Solace...

So..., been a long time huh? Well i'm fine..., how are you?

Pleasantries and platitudes..., aren't they wonderful? All in all though I have been pretty much ok over the last week. My three day weekend was pretty good, did nothing other than write, but was pretty good all the same. When I got back to work on Tuesday, I discovered that the written warning I thought they were going to try and give me, had been reduced to a verbal. Seems the team leader had a conversation with the HR dept, and they must have told her to pull her head in. Honestly I like the woman but she isn't the sharpest tool in the shed..., she completely forgot about disciplinary procedure. Oh well my gain I guess.

Man I am getting really lazy with this whole ting. I mean I want to continue, and I really enjoy the company of you guys, even if it is just virtual. But I am just so tired lately, I can barely even think of jerking off when I get home. Maybe there is something actually wrong with me? Doubt it, but it would be a good excuse.

I guess I should explain the last post a bit. You guys were kinda half right and half wrong. What I was getting at, was that I'm feeling really isolated right now. I am stuck in this work, sleep, wake, try and wank, work, sleep..., perpetual cycle. The only thing keeping me going for a while there was the comments I was getting, both here and over at the story site. I mean I know it sounds bad, and yes I would like some cheese with my whine, but lately the comments seemed to have dried up. And to be honest, I am feeling a little like more and more every day I am alone.

It's probably just my head trying to fuck me up, but I can't discount it if you know what I mean. Maybe if I posted more...? Maybe I should just go back to enjoying my own company..., ah the Quantum of Solace.

All quiet on the Western front...

Been a little quiet of late, and to honest I am feeling a little unloved. I don't know if I am just being over sensitive, or it really is as I fell..., but there you go. Maybe it is just the fact that Valentines day is just around the corner, and like so many years before, I have no one special to spend it with. In times past, even though it is just a commercial gimic, I have really enjoyed Valentines..., one really is the loneliest number sometimes...



I don't know. Maybe i'm just over thinking things, but I really do feel this way. I see so many couples on the streets, and I just have to stop myself before I get angry. I just can't help but think..., "Why can't I have that?". I mean was is so terribly wrong with me, that I seem so destined to be alone?

One of those aforementioned couples I saw in the supermarket the other day..., they must have been atleast 70, but they still held hands all the way through, and were whispering and smiling at each other. Even after so long, well I assume it was, I mean who can tell these days..., they just seemed so loving, like they were back in high school or something..., it was really sweet for them..., but depressing for me.

I may post more about this later, but right now I have to get to work.

A Bridge Too Far...

Well hey there chaps..., had an interesting weekend. But Jesus! Did my bankcard take a pounding. Honestly!! It was like like an angry brother aiming for late night penetration without lube... hahahahaha!!!

Perhaps I should explain that a little. Saturday was a gorgeous day, around 27c and sunny as all hell! Consequently I did bugger all..., it was just too hot. Sunday however, the weather did a complete 180, and to cheer myself up I went shopping. I wasn't planning on spending much money, but then I am a sucker for sales, and as it turns out, Warehouse Stationary, was having a "Back to school" sale...., so in the end I did my own version of "Changing Rooms".

BEFORE...

 

 

 

AFTER...

 

  

Unfortunately I couldn't do much for the decor, as I don't own the place, but I did to my best to make things a little more homey like.I bought a new computer desk on the el'cheapo, and a decent office chair. This has had the effect of opening my small room up quite considerably, and it also means that i'm not always in bed... hahahaha!!!

The whole thing didn't end there though..., oh no! I also bought a new phone..., well when I say bought, what I actually mean, is got for absolutely free! I really love free stuff..., YAY VODAFONE!!!!

My old phone...

 

My new phone...

 

The dude at the store said, "It comes in black and white..., which would you prefer?" Now, I thought to myself...., I have nothing against the black one..., but white is so much cooler..., and well, there you go!

So there you have it, from shit weather to broke, in two easy steps! Still all in all, it was a good weekend, got to hang out with my heterosexual life partner, which was fun. Honestly the things we discuss, are really quite insane at times. Take this one for example...

I don't know how we got on to the subject, but we started talking about our first times. He was amazed when I laid it all out to him, so I thought I would share with you as well. You see, I guess I started quite young..., I mean all the kids were playing around where I lived so I just thought it was natural. I knew pretty early on, even though I didn't understand it, and wouldn't come to grips with it until I was about fifteen, but, as I said, I knew pretty early on that I was into guys. 

It all started when I was eight..., there was quite a few of us kids in the neighbourhood, of ages varying from mine (I was the youngest), to fourteen..., we would hang out, play street rugby or cricket, depending on the season. But we would also get together at eachother's houses, for what we called "Playtime", usually involving some kind of fooling around. I can remember being really into it, and would always look forward to it, though it didn't happen often for me, as I was pretty young. 

When I turned ten though, things got pretty serious, and by the time I was eleven, there was pretty much nothing I hadn't done with a guy. Looking back now, I guess I was too young, and there are some things I wish that I hadn't done, or at least done differently. No internet back then, so a lot of it, was on the job training..., if you get what I mean?

Like I said earlier, my mate was shocked..., he told me that he was sixteen his first time..., I kinda regretted telling him afterwards actually. He kept talking about molestation and shit like that, but to be honest, I can not remember ever having been coerced into anything. Maybe I was just too young to fully understand it, I don't know, all I know was that I was into it.

Funny the things you talk about with friends, huh?

Master and Commander...

Plays this wonderful NIN track while you read the next bit. Honestly I think this should be my official theme song! ... Why can't our lives have an actual soundtrack?

 

Well...!!! An interesting day today..., once again I got chewed out by my boss. Once again it was for a pathetic misunderstanding, but once again I have been hung out to dry. I can't believe this shit really..., and what annoys me the most, is that on the same token I am being told how important to the team I am. It's almost like I am being coddled! I mean if I am as good (I am by the way), as she says I am to the team, why am I always being ridden so damn hard. It seems like there is about two or three people where I work that always want to take what I say or do out of context, and then run off to the boss to taddle. I've really had enough of this shit!

Honestly..., just like one or two people around here, if you have a problem with me, then man up and tell and me to my face...., I can't stand "Back Stabbing".

So now that I have that off my chest, lets begin.

I really smell good right now..., I can't quite understand it. I mean it's really warm, so i'm kinda sweaty (Sitting here in nothing but boxer shorts... hahahahaha!!)...., but I can smell my skin, and it's kinda...., yum. I don't why I am telling you this, just wanted to share. Like I said it's really warm. Summer has finally hit I hope, we have been having some really nice weather over the last few days. Temperatures are getting up there with an average of 25C. To tell you the truth I am really loving it, not too hot, not too cold....., just right!

So what's going on then? Well I have the weekend off, after my marathon seven day stint at work. I have no idea what I am going to do, but I think that shopping is definitely on the agenda. Especially since payday is tomorrow..., YAY ME!!!! Have to get another few chapters out on my book over the next few days aswell, I only have two more, that complete the current part. Don't know where I will go from there but it should be good fun finding out. 

I'll let guys know how i'm getting on as the weekend progresses.

Internalisation Strategy....

Wow..., i'm a terrible blogger..., it's been like 6 days since I posted some of my boring drivel. It's little wonder I'm feeling unloved..., I guess you guys must think I have forgotten about you, huh? Well no chance of that..., this, you, my story..., are the only things that are keeping me sane right now.

Work is the kicker here..., on a bit of a long run between days off, and I am just so tired when I get home, that I just don't seem to have the energy..., regardless of how much inclination I have. I do have some interesting shit (Well I think so anyway!) to talk about, so I'll update you all on the weekend. A trip down memory lane..., something I was talking about to my bestie the other night, over a very mediocre McDonalds meal..., should be fun.

To tide you over..., how about some yummy boys...

Gotta love a summer "Two for one special"..., huh?

About a Boy...

First off..., Ty from "I'll do tricks for you" is awake. The Docs brought him out of his coma, and after some time he opened his eyes..., good news indeed! You can get the full story from Ryan's BLOG. If you have the desire, go on over to both, and leave a few encouraging words.

Now then..., what the hell is going on with me? Not a great deal actually..., work is taking up to much of my time, and I hate it. My social life is still stagnant..., as after a hard day of talking to general fuckwits, I am finding it harder and harder to talk to the people I actually like. I really have to do something about this, or I will lose the few people I really care about, due to inaction on my side.

My writing is going really well..., click the pic to go to the story...

I am getting several really nice comments about it. The last few chapters have been really draining though. I really want to get it finished, so that I can try and get it published. That prospect is really exciting to me. And I'm sure that I could probably get a couple of novels out of my characters. I have even been considering a parallel book, from the other characters perspective. Could be an interesting thing to look into.

The weather has really turned to shit over here..., is very depressing. It's been raining fairly solidly for a couple of days... mist, fog, wind, cold..., it's supposed to summer damn it! Why have the weather gods forsaken me? Day off tomorrow, and it's gonna be raining again..., this sucks, a whole day, and I can't get out and enjoy it! Might go shopping though..., that might cheer me up.

Romancing the Mercenary....

So I thought I would share something, pretty special, with you guys today. You see the other day, I got a really nice "Christmas Present" from a pretty special guy. And I have to say, when I opened the email, it kinda blew me away..., no one has done something, that nice for me, in so long. To be fair..., I had, until then, kinda forgotten what that felt like. So without more pointless ramble..., here it is...

All the way from Dean, in Chicago. You see Dean must have picked up the fact that I was really wishing for a "White Christmas"..., and sent me that. It really was so very sweet..., hardly surprising really..., he is a really sweet guy..., and very cute too. I linked his blog, to the his name there, so if you haven't already..., go and check him out.

Back to work tomorrow.., gonna be tons of fun..., well probably not...., we'll see.

Pirates of the Caribbean....

I've got only one full day of my leave left..., after this one that is. Problem is, other than my trip away, I have gotten absolutely nothing accomplished. Not that that is a big thing..., I just kinda feel a bit lazy about the whole thing. I really should have done some more writing, but I just haven't gotten around to it.

Oh yes, you remember that I said I was doing some writing..., well yeah, I am attempting to write a novel. I even publish it on wordpress. It is very much a work in progress, but it seems to be getting some good reviews...., so if you are interested, check it out, and if you like it then leave a comment....

"The Twins and the Sailor" By Octavius (Account is actually BigCT, but it is still me.)

Quite a few of you know already, so it will come to no surprise for you, but I figure I don't want to hide the fact anymore.

To be fair, I really don't want my leave to end..., but then I never do. I guess I wouldn't be alone in feeling this way..., huh? I left a comment on Torchy's blog the other day..., and said something like....

"Work is the one true obstacle to your real life."

How true is that..., man I wish I could just win the lottery..., as they say...

"You will never get ahead working to make someone else money."

It would be great to be my own boss, setting my own schedule..., paying myself what I deserve. I have many business plans that I could throw into action..., but the one I think I like the most, is my fishing tour idea. Now personally I can't stand seafood, though I do enjoy fishing (Weird huh?). You see we have here a very beautiful place called the Marlborough Sounds...

Pretty cool huh? So back to the point..., "Fishing Tours". Yup, I can just see myself doing this. Skipper of a nice boat..., sailing around the sounds, not a care in the world, just soaking up the sun. Something like this, would be ideal...

I figure, if you take groups of four to five, at about $150-$200 a head, that should cover fuel, bait, and food for about a four day trip. I don't really know..., would have to do some sums, but then it is all academic, unless I actually manage to pull it off. But it would be cool.

Hmmm..., a little too philosophical today. Maybe I'll just go and buy some booze to get totally plastered! After all there is nothing wrong with having a "Wine and Cheese" evening..., all by myself..., in my room..., is there? Well ok maybe not, but the idea is appealing...., maybe too appealing.

IDK..., seems there is just too much "Drama" around these days. Everyone seems to be falling over each other to be nice to certain people, when they really should just let them go..., if that is what they truely want...., which I actually don't think it is. Personally I think the biggest one at the moment, is just a want for attention..., but that's just me. Don't get me wrong..., i'm not bagging on anyone, I just can't be bothered with the whole thing.

Maybe you can never get away from "Drama", there always seems to be something happening somewhere, that pulls you into a shitstorm. IDK, why can't we all just relax, and chillout. Nothing in life is really that bad, that it can't be fixed..., well that's my theory anyway.

On another note, I have decided to do something. I have talked about it with my Stepmum, and she is all good with the idea, so I think I am going to do it. I have been thinking about doing something for my little brother. To be fair, I have been wracking my brain, for several years to come up with something good, and now I think I have it. I am going to get a Tattoo done on the underneath of my forearm. I am not quite sure yet, just what I am going to put there, but I know that it will happen..., I personally believe that that is the best place for it, and him..., so that he will always be under my arm..., know what I mean?

I'll take a pic, when it is done..., won't be for a while yet though, so don't get your hopes up. I am gonna tie it in with his birthday...., July 7th 1993. That just kinda makes sense to me..., in a fitting kind of way. You know if you do the math, that would make him about 16 and a half. Maybe that's why I seem to connect with the younger bloggers..., almost certainly, I think, why I enjoy chatting to them. Maybe I am still looking for something there..., I don't know...

Anyway that's it for today..., I'm getting a little weepy..., he is usually the only one that can do that to me...

I'll be home for Christmas...

Well have been home for a few hours now..., man I really have to go to the store! I have nothing in the cupboards, or the fridge..., I kinda feel a little like "Old Mother Hubbard"..., it's not a pleasant feeling.

Had a pretty good trip really, I always enjoy going home. Whoever it was that said "You can never go home again", obviously didn't have a home like mine. I mean forgetting about the "Creature Comforts" that home provides, I also have never felt, more loved, more comfortable, or more safe..., than when I am home.

What really makes me sad, is that so many  of us, just don't have that..., and I am not even talking just about the LGBT community here either. There are so many people out there, that will never truely feel the love, and comfort of a good family home. So for those of you out there, or just the ones that are interested..., I would like to share my family home with you....

 

 

 

A few sneaky pics I took...., just for you guys. It's an average sized three bedroom affair. Pretty standard, where I come from. But it's home..., complete with spa pool!

The next set of pics, is just for Daniel from "Up and About"..., because I know how much he gets off on trains! This is my 12yr old cousins new toy...

Funny thing really..., because his name is Daniel as well...., what are the odds of that? This little bad boy, is a fully working model of a steam train..., if you look closely, you can even see the whole boiler workings. Pretty cool for a midget..., I really quite like my little cousin..., in fact he would have to be one of my favourites.

Took my stepmum to see Avatar today..., to be honest, I am in two minds over this film. Yes it was well done, yest the story line was reminiscent of "The Battle of the Little Bighorn"..., but to be fair, was a little less than I was expecting. I guess I read to many reviews from you guys...., I kinda feel a little let down. Still had a great lunch, and then an even better shopping experience with the stepmother..., I love shopping with her.

Anyways..., ramble over...., back to work in four days..., whatever shall I get up to?