Tears of the Sun...

If you look at my blogroll, you will see that I follow several young guys. Now I know what some would think about that, but let me tell you..., it's nothing of the kind. Some of these guys are really hurting, and if I can help out in any way..., then as a guy who has been through a decent amount in my own life..., who am I not to pass on the knowledge of experiences. Trust me..., there is absolutely nothing nefarious here at all.

What has really saddened me this last week or so is everything that's happened with the younger ones..., one of which turned out to be an old dude..., what the fuck is up with that? I mean..., why would someone want to do that, something so confidence shattering to all the real young guys out there that look up to them..., it begs belief that's for sure. I know you should be circumspect in any dealings you have with people over the net, but it just seems like the universe is losing it's grip with reality!

(That's not him by the way..., that's Remy Thorne..., it's just the pic he used for his profile..., in case you were wondering.)

Sadly..., I lost another one today..., seems like all the blogs I follow are dropping off or being deleted. This one though was pretty special to me. I didn't know much about him at first..., kinda just knew him in passing from the comments he left on the "Rent Boy" site..., but after a while he started a blog..., well that's gone now, and I'm not overly happy about it, but I respect the reason why it has been taken down.

You see, the auther of said blog..., a young fella named JJ, was one of those rare kids that you just instantly like. He wasn't all about being cool, in fact when he first started his blog he was so timid and unsure of himself. As the months went on though, with his blog you got the unerring sense that you were watching him grow into the strong and determined man that he will become some day.It really warmed the heart, and I felt myself get a little excited every time I saw one of his posts pop up on the dashboard.

Here's the comment I posted on two of my follow bloggers blogs..., whether it will stay there and see the light of day..., I really don't know..., but here it is...

"You know what? Everyone is so concerned about chasing their own tails and sorting out who is to blame, that they are forgetting the true reason for why we are here. And besides, as cool as JJ is..., and he really is by the way..., he is still a child..., and he isn't our child. I consider the boy a friend, and I truly hope he thinks the same of me, but I would never once even consider telling him what to do, or telling his parent's what to do with their child. They have a responsibility to maintain the safety of their child..., and if this is how they see to do it, then all power to them.

What we have here gentleman is a simple case of not knowing all the facts..., don't you think it's prudent to find out, or at least wait until they become known before we all fly off the handle like a pistol half cocked.

In the end, as close as we all are..., some of us more than others I grant you..., who is in the best position to help JJ through whatever it is he's going through? That's right..., his parents. Lets not demonise them for what they doing, instead..., at least I am anyway, lets support them..., no matter how much we may hate what they are doing.

If you want to blame anyone..., I'll put my hand up, and I think some of you may know why I say that..., but i'm gonna leave it there.

To JJ I say this..., this isn't goodbye Kiddo..., we will see each other again.

To Rowan I say..., don't beat yourself up mate..., you're a cool guy, and you're one of the reasons why JJ blossomed into the great kid we all have come to know and love.

Hugs, Courage and Honour!

Octavius."

I'm not really sure why I wanted to post this, and I don't even know if the others involved ever even come here...,  but in a small way I think I'm responsible for what happened..., if that's true then I'm really sorry to everyone involved..., it was never my intent to hurt anyone.

I will miss JJ's blog, but hopefully we'll be able to stay in touch so I can personally apologise.

Desperado...

God! What a shit week i'm having so far..., and it's only been three days!!!! Tuesday (first day back after my weekend), was probably the worst. As if it was a parting shot, my team leader let slip to me that I was in some serious shit for swearing on the phones. Now I make it a point to never swear on the phone, because you really can't tell who's listening right? Well as it turns out, this particular time, my phone didn't disconnect after a call, and the new manager is listening in to calls. My phone is sometimes dodgy like that, apparently the punter had disconnected, so it really isn't that bad..., I only found that out today however!

Scared me shitless..., she let me stew on it for almost three days, thinking that i'm about to be fired for gross misconduct! To tell you the truth, i'm seriously considering a "PG" over the whole thing, at the very least some nice relaxing "Stress leave"..., hmmm yeah free leave on full pay..., that'll fuck em! In the end though, all i'm getting is a verbal warning about my behaviour..., I said to that..., "With all the shit we have to deal with..., a boy has to vent! Still I have to say that I am thankful that i'm employed..., it could've turned out a lot worse.

So what else then..., well..., i'm ramped up the new job search, I just have to get out of there, and i'm now very much actively looking. Had some good luck, and some bad. There's been a couple that might be good ones that i'm on the list for. So on that i'll just have to wait and see.

Have also lost contact with a couple of friends over the last week or two. Bit of a shame really because they're some pretty cool guys, and I really do kinda miss them. Probably my own fault really, I think I should have paid better attention. Have sent a few emails trying to reconnect, so maybe something will come of it..., who knows?

At this juncture..., i'm reminded of a phrase I hear once, one that I think I should take heed to...

"This too shall pass..."

Courage and Honour!

Octavius.

One flew over the cuckoos nest...

My god what a shit week! Honestly i'm just barely holding onto the very thin threads of what is left of my sanity. Let me tell you...., it's not all that easy, but I am trying. What's making it worse is that the lovely government we have, in their infinite wisdom has decided to raise the price of tobacco..., 24% instant increase..., that works out to around $8 on top of the already exorbitant price that they already demand. It's just shit, because I can just bet that my company will claim poverty again when it comes to pay-rises this year.

Honestly I'm just making ends meet right now, and this is just one more kick to the nuts! All the excuses in the world aren't enough to disguise the fact that this is just another blatant revenue grab, and it's really getting me down.


I'm still looking for a better job though, and things are somewhat promising at the moment, even though I have been knocked back a few times, things are still looking up. Hopefully I can get something going soon, because I tell you what..., i'm gonna lose it if I don't.