It would have been my little brother's birthday today..., just seven days after mine..., I turned 32, he would have been 17. I was 15 when he came into my life, and through an unfortunate series of events, I was still 15 when he went out of it. I can't find it within myself to accept or forgive for that. I just can't get over what I missed out on, watching him grow to the fine young man, I know he would have been, watching him tumble through life's many obstacles, being right there to hold his hand or dry his tears.
All that was taken from me, and I'm really seriously bothered by it. What's worse is that I just can't ever seem to figure out why? One of the most provocative questions since man was still cavorting in caves and loincloths..., WHY?!
I've done a lot of soul searching over the years, spent some time in a deep depression, and more time at the bottom of a bottle. This wasn't all of it, no my brother was only part of it, but he was a big part. I've had people try to talk me out of it, I've even had people telling me about god's will..., well I can tell you now..., what an absolute load of total fucking BOLLOCKS!
I mean look..., if you want to follow a faith, and be all you can be for god, you go right ahead. Far be it for me to tell you how to live your life. But..., and this is a big but..., I cannot in all good conscience even begin to believe in something that would take away the love joy and happiness that was taken away from my family. Sorry but I just don't have the time or energy for that.
This is all I have to go on now. I have absolutely no way of knowing what kind of guy he would have become, or what he would have looked like, though I can imagine..., because imagination is all I have left.
