Master and Commander...

Plays this wonderful NIN track while you read the next bit. Honestly I think this should be my official theme song! ... Why can't our lives have an actual soundtrack?

 

Well...!!! An interesting day today..., once again I got chewed out by my boss. Once again it was for a pathetic misunderstanding, but once again I have been hung out to dry. I can't believe this shit really..., and what annoys me the most, is that on the same token I am being told how important to the team I am. It's almost like I am being coddled! I mean if I am as good (I am by the way), as she says I am to the team, why am I always being ridden so damn hard. It seems like there is about two or three people where I work that always want to take what I say or do out of context, and then run off to the boss to taddle. I've really had enough of this shit!

Honestly..., just like one or two people around here, if you have a problem with me, then man up and tell and me to my face...., I can't stand "Back Stabbing".

So now that I have that off my chest, lets begin.

I really smell good right now..., I can't quite understand it. I mean it's really warm, so i'm kinda sweaty (Sitting here in nothing but boxer shorts... hahahahaha!!)...., but I can smell my skin, and it's kinda...., yum. I don't why I am telling you this, just wanted to share. Like I said it's really warm. Summer has finally hit I hope, we have been having some really nice weather over the last few days. Temperatures are getting up there with an average of 25C. To tell you the truth I am really loving it, not too hot, not too cold....., just right!

So what's going on then? Well I have the weekend off, after my marathon seven day stint at work. I have no idea what I am going to do, but I think that shopping is definitely on the agenda. Especially since payday is tomorrow..., YAY ME!!!! Have to get another few chapters out on my book over the next few days aswell, I only have two more, that complete the current part. Don't know where I will go from there but it should be good fun finding out. 

I'll let guys know how i'm getting on as the weekend progresses.

The importance of being earnest....

As you know, I hadn't planned on posting until the weekend. However something happened to me today..., for the first time I might add, that just begs to be spoken of. I got my first kinda nasty "Anonymous" comment. Oh it was hidden behind a warning sure..., but the nastiness is glaringly obvious..., to me at least. This seemed to be coupled with some very nasty shit on a fellow blogger's site. The guy in question has always struck me as a genuine and very loving guy..., why anyone thinks he deserves this type of crap, is well beyond me! If you are reading this Ryan, I am so sorry man, I would love to fight your battles for you..., and trust me, that is something I am exceedingly good at, but I can't. All I can do is try to be there for you, and anyone else that has to put up with this shit.

Life isn't really fair sometimes, you just have no choice but, to try to get through it with your sanity intact. Everyday i deal with more assholes than any person should have to, but then that's just the nature of the business I work in. In my job, I have been accused of murder, thievery, corruption..., and the downfall of society. According to one really "nice guy", the company I work for is responsible for every act of crime in my small country. I don't really believe that, but people are entitled to their opinions..., that doesn't mean I want to hear them though! So then..., to have to come home after a long day, when I already feel like absolute shit, all I really want to do, is to jump on here, and have the love..., that most of my followers show me..., wrap me up in a tight little ball, and make me feel sane and normal again.

But what is it I see? ... HATE!.

Before I continue I have something to show those of you, that care nothing for those I consider friends, for me, or for my sanity.....

 

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So here we go..., here is my all telling reasons on the pics that I post..., in keeping with the title of this post, I am going to be completely honest.

1) I have never made any false claims as to what I find attractive. I am Gay..., hence I like to look at guys. I do like to look at younger guys..., though I could, to tell you the truth, never really see myself in a relationship with one. I'm just too old for that anymore..., my limits tend to extend to 5yrs either side of my age right now..., that makes it 26 to 36. 

2) I choose the pics I post, based off of what I am feeling at the time. In the last case, being a hot summers evening, I was feeling particularly warm, therefore I posted beach and pool shots. I have a rather large selection to chose from..., as I am sure we all have! Some of the pics I have taken myself, but most were, and probably still are..., freely available from the web. So who is the real villain here?

3) I have never posted any image..., or even have any saved on my harddrive..., of any boy that seems even remotely under the legal age of consent in my country. That age would be 16 by the way. look it up if you don't believe me.  I'm not into that sort of thing.

4) I take great care to show images that are in no way lurid, suggestive..., or even pornographic in any way shape or form..., i'm not about that on my blog, if that's what you want then there are plenty of others around.  What you chose to do with these shots, is up to you, and all power to you..., what I do with them is my business.

5) AND THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT! My blog is not listed as "Not Safe For Work", there is no adult content warning here..., sure I swear a lot, but I dare you to go to any primary school and see if you can hear any different.

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Why do people feel the need to censor others..., what rite do they have to be this way? If anyone has ever had a problem with what I post, then I would rather you just "FLAG" the blog and let the people, that is their job, sort it out. Because to be honest, I really think that I would come up smelling like some very pretty roses. I don't plan on editing any of my posts, and I never delete either. So I guess there you have it. I post what I post, and I write what I write, because I want to. Not because I am trying to entertain..., if I do entertain you, then that's just gravy..., and so much the better.

I really don't know what this guy was implying..., does he think I am some kind of pedo? If that's the case then I have no idea where he gets that from. Why? ..  Because I'm Gay? Does the fact that I like to sleep with guys, all of a sudden make me a pedophile? No dickhead it does not! To tell you the truth, if that was where his mind went, then what does that say about him?

Having said all that, I have no problem with what anyone else chooses to view, if it is not to my taste, then I simply tune out, or switch off. You see, it's not my place to enforce censure on anyone but myself. And again I will be perfectly honest with you..., I have in the past, and will probably continue to do so..., talk to several young guys about all manner of things. Some are younger than legal age..., but we are all, in the end, human. I have gone through what they are now going through, so who am I to turn them away if they need or want help and advice? I don't believe there exists in any country, a legal age of consent for friendship. 

I have never turned a friend away..., even if I can't yet help them, and I don't plan to start now. To all of those who have in the past, and continue to show me the love of friendship..., I say THANK YOU! You all mean more to me than you could possibly imagine, but remember this....

This is my blog people..., mine..., I will do with it as I will.

Hate me..., Love me..., Ignore me..., I'll take all comers!

Courage and Honour!

Octavius.

Internalisation Strategy....

Wow..., i'm a terrible blogger..., it's been like 6 days since I posted some of my boring drivel. It's little wonder I'm feeling unloved..., I guess you guys must think I have forgotten about you, huh? Well no chance of that..., this, you, my story..., are the only things that are keeping me sane right now.

Work is the kicker here..., on a bit of a long run between days off, and I am just so tired when I get home, that I just don't seem to have the energy..., regardless of how much inclination I have. I do have some interesting shit (Well I think so anyway!) to talk about, so I'll update you all on the weekend. A trip down memory lane..., something I was talking about to my bestie the other night, over a very mediocre McDonalds meal..., should be fun.

To tide you over..., how about some yummy boys...

Gotta love a summer "Two for one special"..., huh?

Love Actually...

So..., I was listening to an interview by a fellow blogger, Mickey from HockeyKidMN, formerly "A gay hockey kids life". The interview is on a pod cast, and can be found HERE. It is about 40 mins in, but I didn't know that, and ended up listening to the whole thing..., was pretty good actually, and I highly recommend you go have a listen. Mickey is a good kid, but like a lot of "Closeted" young men, is finding life pretty hard and unfair. His blog is also worth a look..., I warn you now though, if you aren't into hockey, you soon will be!!
 
Anyways, the start of the podcast had the two guys talking about the Kinsey Scale, For ease of operation I will put the actual scale here...

Now the two presenters, who are gay by the way..., or at least one of them is, were going on about how they were at a party, and some fellas were asking where they thought they fell on the above scale. Apparently, according to the questioner, if you have had sex, with a person of the opposite gender, you can never be a "6". Now to me this is just absolute bullshit. "Why the fuck not?!" I would have asked. You see, in my mind..., if you haven't, then you will always wonder.

Now, I would consider myself to be a "6" in that I have no fantasies about women..., and I definitely have no desire to do anything sexual with one. Yet, in the past I have done. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are plenty of people out there that just knew from the off, that they were inclined to the same gender, but for me it was a definite process. I guess when I was a teenager, you could say I was a bit of a window shopper. I mean..., you have to try before you buy ..., right?

So getting back to the "6" part. I haven't had sex, or even thought about sex, with a chick in well over a decade. I am solely Gay..., the complete rainbow, if you will. To me, that makes me a "6"..., or am I wrong? Don't think that I am all about labels, because I truly am not, I just don't like people telling me what I can and can't be..., you know why? Coz Fuck them..., that's why!

So here it is..., I would like your opinion on all this. And if you feel comfortable enough to voice it, where you think you fit in the scale as well.

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Haven't heard much about Tyler from "I'll do tricks for you" lately..., but last report had him awake and talking..., and like a true teenager..., complaining. I think that was the best bit I heard...., he can't be all bad if he can bitch! Get well soon dude..., still thinking of you every day.

About a Boy...

First off..., Ty from "I'll do tricks for you" is awake. The Docs brought him out of his coma, and after some time he opened his eyes..., good news indeed! You can get the full story from Ryan's BLOG. If you have the desire, go on over to both, and leave a few encouraging words.

Now then..., what the hell is going on with me? Not a great deal actually..., work is taking up to much of my time, and I hate it. My social life is still stagnant..., as after a hard day of talking to general fuckwits, I am finding it harder and harder to talk to the people I actually like. I really have to do something about this, or I will lose the few people I really care about, due to inaction on my side.

My writing is going really well..., click the pic to go to the story...

I am getting several really nice comments about it. The last few chapters have been really draining though. I really want to get it finished, so that I can try and get it published. That prospect is really exciting to me. And I'm sure that I could probably get a couple of novels out of my characters. I have even been considering a parallel book, from the other characters perspective. Could be an interesting thing to look into.

The weather has really turned to shit over here..., is very depressing. It's been raining fairly solidly for a couple of days... mist, fog, wind, cold..., it's supposed to summer damn it! Why have the weather gods forsaken me? Day off tomorrow, and it's gonna be raining again..., this sucks, a whole day, and I can't get out and enjoy it! Might go shopping though..., that might cheer me up.

The Lost Boys...

Got word from Ryan, on his BLOG, He says that Ty is in an induced coma.This one is  a mixed bag, I must say..., as the Doc's wouldn't have done it, unless it was pretty serious. Yet at the same time, it is also pretty good, because whatever happened, this will give his body the chance to heal..., we do our best healing when we are sleeping, so I have high hopes, for a good outcome.

Now I am not a religious man, but I know that a few of my followers are, so I ask you to please spare a moment to to say a prayer for Ty, and for his family, in their time of need. Ryan asked his followers and friends to put up the below picture..., so like a good follower, I will do just that.

 Tyler..., buddy, i'm sending you as much love and support as I can. Whatever you need to do, do it fast, for your families sake and for ours as well, get better little dude...,I'm pulling for you.

Courage and Honour!

Saving Private Ryan...

Well my heart nigh on broke a few minutes ago..., I got all excited when I saw that a pretty cool young fella had posted again on his blog. To my surprise, I got something I never would have wished for. There is a message on Tyler's blog "I'll do tricks for you" to go over to his brother's blog "Ryan's Life". On Ryan's blog there is a message left by Mike, stating that Tyler has had an accident, and though it doesn't say much, it says that Ryan has flown home and has been at Tyler's hospital bedside since late Thursday, their time.

Tyler said that he had a race this weekend, and that he was trying to get a lot of practice in, so I can only assume, something happened on one of those runs. I dearly hope not, but without details the mind wanders. I don't want to cause panic or alarm, but if you know these two guys you really should head over there and lend your support..., if you don't know them, you should do it anyway.

Tyler and I got a little closer over the last week or so, what with a chat on MSN, and then a few emails..., I was really starting to like the guy. His honesty struck me, and I was beginning to enjoy his company. So for here and now, my thoughts are with him and his family..., I hope everything works out to the good. I don't believe in an all powerful deity, so in times like these, I like to turn to music..., so I have selected a few tracks that I think are appropriate, and are just for him....



Well here we go..., yes this is just the way i'm feeling....



 To Tyler's family..., and I really hope this is true..., Don't worry baby..., everything's gonna turn out all right...



God only knows..., what any of us will do with you...



And I'm waiting now, to hear any news..., hopefully of a speedy recovery.

Courage and Honour Tyler..., come back to us soon buddy.

Romancing the Mercenary....

So I thought I would share something, pretty special, with you guys today. You see the other day, I got a really nice "Christmas Present" from a pretty special guy. And I have to say, when I opened the email, it kinda blew me away..., no one has done something, that nice for me, in so long. To be fair..., I had, until then, kinda forgotten what that felt like. So without more pointless ramble..., here it is...

All the way from Dean, in Chicago. You see Dean must have picked up the fact that I was really wishing for a "White Christmas"..., and sent me that. It really was so very sweet..., hardly surprising really..., he is a really sweet guy..., and very cute too. I linked his blog, to the his name there, so if you haven't already..., go and check him out.

Back to work tomorrow.., gonna be tons of fun..., well probably not...., we'll see.

Pirates of the Caribbean....

I've got only one full day of my leave left..., after this one that is. Problem is, other than my trip away, I have gotten absolutely nothing accomplished. Not that that is a big thing..., I just kinda feel a bit lazy about the whole thing. I really should have done some more writing, but I just haven't gotten around to it.

Oh yes, you remember that I said I was doing some writing..., well yeah, I am attempting to write a novel. I even publish it on wordpress. It is very much a work in progress, but it seems to be getting some good reviews...., so if you are interested, check it out, and if you like it then leave a comment....

"The Twins and the Sailor" By Octavius (Account is actually BigCT, but it is still me.)

Quite a few of you know already, so it will come to no surprise for you, but I figure I don't want to hide the fact anymore.

To be fair, I really don't want my leave to end..., but then I never do. I guess I wouldn't be alone in feeling this way..., huh? I left a comment on Torchy's blog the other day..., and said something like....

"Work is the one true obstacle to your real life."

How true is that..., man I wish I could just win the lottery..., as they say...

"You will never get ahead working to make someone else money."

It would be great to be my own boss, setting my own schedule..., paying myself what I deserve. I have many business plans that I could throw into action..., but the one I think I like the most, is my fishing tour idea. Now personally I can't stand seafood, though I do enjoy fishing (Weird huh?). You see we have here a very beautiful place called the Marlborough Sounds...

Pretty cool huh? So back to the point..., "Fishing Tours". Yup, I can just see myself doing this. Skipper of a nice boat..., sailing around the sounds, not a care in the world, just soaking up the sun. Something like this, would be ideal...

I figure, if you take groups of four to five, at about $150-$200 a head, that should cover fuel, bait, and food for about a four day trip. I don't really know..., would have to do some sums, but then it is all academic, unless I actually manage to pull it off. But it would be cool.

Hmmm..., a little too philosophical today. Maybe I'll just go and buy some booze to get totally plastered! After all there is nothing wrong with having a "Wine and Cheese" evening..., all by myself..., in my room..., is there? Well ok maybe not, but the idea is appealing...., maybe too appealing.

IDK..., seems there is just too much "Drama" around these days. Everyone seems to be falling over each other to be nice to certain people, when they really should just let them go..., if that is what they truely want...., which I actually don't think it is. Personally I think the biggest one at the moment, is just a want for attention..., but that's just me. Don't get me wrong..., i'm not bagging on anyone, I just can't be bothered with the whole thing.

Maybe you can never get away from "Drama", there always seems to be something happening somewhere, that pulls you into a shitstorm. IDK, why can't we all just relax, and chillout. Nothing in life is really that bad, that it can't be fixed..., well that's my theory anyway.

On another note, I have decided to do something. I have talked about it with my Stepmum, and she is all good with the idea, so I think I am going to do it. I have been thinking about doing something for my little brother. To be fair, I have been wracking my brain, for several years to come up with something good, and now I think I have it. I am going to get a Tattoo done on the underneath of my forearm. I am not quite sure yet, just what I am going to put there, but I know that it will happen..., I personally believe that that is the best place for it, and him..., so that he will always be under my arm..., know what I mean?

I'll take a pic, when it is done..., won't be for a while yet though, so don't get your hopes up. I am gonna tie it in with his birthday...., July 7th 1993. That just kinda makes sense to me..., in a fitting kind of way. You know if you do the math, that would make him about 16 and a half. Maybe that's why I seem to connect with the younger bloggers..., almost certainly, I think, why I enjoy chatting to them. Maybe I am still looking for something there..., I don't know...

Anyway that's it for today..., I'm getting a little weepy..., he is usually the only one that can do that to me...

I'll be home for Christmas...

Well have been home for a few hours now..., man I really have to go to the store! I have nothing in the cupboards, or the fridge..., I kinda feel a little like "Old Mother Hubbard"..., it's not a pleasant feeling.

Had a pretty good trip really, I always enjoy going home. Whoever it was that said "You can never go home again", obviously didn't have a home like mine. I mean forgetting about the "Creature Comforts" that home provides, I also have never felt, more loved, more comfortable, or more safe..., than when I am home.

What really makes me sad, is that so many  of us, just don't have that..., and I am not even talking just about the LGBT community here either. There are so many people out there, that will never truely feel the love, and comfort of a good family home. So for those of you out there, or just the ones that are interested..., I would like to share my family home with you....

 

 

 

A few sneaky pics I took...., just for you guys. It's an average sized three bedroom affair. Pretty standard, where I come from. But it's home..., complete with spa pool!

The next set of pics, is just for Daniel from "Up and About"..., because I know how much he gets off on trains! This is my 12yr old cousins new toy...

Funny thing really..., because his name is Daniel as well...., what are the odds of that? This little bad boy, is a fully working model of a steam train..., if you look closely, you can even see the whole boiler workings. Pretty cool for a midget..., I really quite like my little cousin..., in fact he would have to be one of my favourites.

Took my stepmum to see Avatar today..., to be honest, I am in two minds over this film. Yes it was well done, yest the story line was reminiscent of "The Battle of the Little Bighorn"..., but to be fair, was a little less than I was expecting. I guess I read to many reviews from you guys...., I kinda feel a little let down. Still had a great lunch, and then an even better shopping experience with the stepmother..., I love shopping with her.

Anyways..., ramble over...., back to work in four days..., whatever shall I get up to?

Ghost Rider....

What the hell has been going on in the blogsphere? I go away for a few days, and people all over are having meltdowns. I mean that there isn't a great deal I can do..., being stuck out here, all alone I might add..., in the middle of the south pacific..., but still WTF!!!???

I'm still not home yet..., I am at the parents house, and I am typing this on Moses' own PC..., honestly this thing is so fucking slow!! It took me 5 minutes to bring up two other blogs..., and this thing is supposed to have a broadband connection...., maybe it was one that was lead two by two on to the Ark????

So anyways, New Years was good, though the weather turned to shit, so we never made it too the beach. I may drop in on my way home, just to see if there is anything worth taking a pic of.

See you when I get home..., and for FUCKS SAKE CHEER UP!!!!