All quiet on the Western front...

Been a little quiet of late, and to honest I am feeling a little unloved. I don't know if I am just being over sensitive, or it really is as I fell..., but there you go. Maybe it is just the fact that Valentines day is just around the corner, and like so many years before, I have no one special to spend it with. In times past, even though it is just a commercial gimic, I have really enjoyed Valentines..., one really is the loneliest number sometimes...



I don't know. Maybe i'm just over thinking things, but I really do feel this way. I see so many couples on the streets, and I just have to stop myself before I get angry. I just can't help but think..., "Why can't I have that?". I mean was is so terribly wrong with me, that I seem so destined to be alone?

One of those aforementioned couples I saw in the supermarket the other day..., they must have been atleast 70, but they still held hands all the way through, and were whispering and smiling at each other. Even after so long, well I assume it was, I mean who can tell these days..., they just seemed so loving, like they were back in high school or something..., it was really sweet for them..., but depressing for me.

I may post more about this later, but right now I have to get to work.

A Bridge Too Far...

Well hey there chaps..., had an interesting weekend. But Jesus! Did my bankcard take a pounding. Honestly!! It was like like an angry brother aiming for late night penetration without lube... hahahahaha!!!

Perhaps I should explain that a little. Saturday was a gorgeous day, around 27c and sunny as all hell! Consequently I did bugger all..., it was just too hot. Sunday however, the weather did a complete 180, and to cheer myself up I went shopping. I wasn't planning on spending much money, but then I am a sucker for sales, and as it turns out, Warehouse Stationary, was having a "Back to school" sale...., so in the end I did my own version of "Changing Rooms".

BEFORE...

 

 

 

AFTER...

 

  

Unfortunately I couldn't do much for the decor, as I don't own the place, but I did to my best to make things a little more homey like.I bought a new computer desk on the el'cheapo, and a decent office chair. This has had the effect of opening my small room up quite considerably, and it also means that i'm not always in bed... hahahaha!!!

The whole thing didn't end there though..., oh no! I also bought a new phone..., well when I say bought, what I actually mean, is got for absolutely free! I really love free stuff..., YAY VODAFONE!!!!

My old phone...

 

My new phone...

 

The dude at the store said, "It comes in black and white..., which would you prefer?" Now, I thought to myself...., I have nothing against the black one..., but white is so much cooler..., and well, there you go!

So there you have it, from shit weather to broke, in two easy steps! Still all in all, it was a good weekend, got to hang out with my heterosexual life partner, which was fun. Honestly the things we discuss, are really quite insane at times. Take this one for example...

I don't know how we got on to the subject, but we started talking about our first times. He was amazed when I laid it all out to him, so I thought I would share with you as well. You see, I guess I started quite young..., I mean all the kids were playing around where I lived so I just thought it was natural. I knew pretty early on, even though I didn't understand it, and wouldn't come to grips with it until I was about fifteen, but, as I said, I knew pretty early on that I was into guys. 

It all started when I was eight..., there was quite a few of us kids in the neighbourhood, of ages varying from mine (I was the youngest), to fourteen..., we would hang out, play street rugby or cricket, depending on the season. But we would also get together at eachother's houses, for what we called "Playtime", usually involving some kind of fooling around. I can remember being really into it, and would always look forward to it, though it didn't happen often for me, as I was pretty young. 

When I turned ten though, things got pretty serious, and by the time I was eleven, there was pretty much nothing I hadn't done with a guy. Looking back now, I guess I was too young, and there are some things I wish that I hadn't done, or at least done differently. No internet back then, so a lot of it, was on the job training..., if you get what I mean?

Like I said earlier, my mate was shocked..., he told me that he was sixteen his first time..., I kinda regretted telling him afterwards actually. He kept talking about molestation and shit like that, but to be honest, I can not remember ever having been coerced into anything. Maybe I was just too young to fully understand it, I don't know, all I know was that I was into it.

Funny the things you talk about with friends, huh?

Master and Commander...

Plays this wonderful NIN track while you read the next bit. Honestly I think this should be my official theme song! ... Why can't our lives have an actual soundtrack?

 

Well...!!! An interesting day today..., once again I got chewed out by my boss. Once again it was for a pathetic misunderstanding, but once again I have been hung out to dry. I can't believe this shit really..., and what annoys me the most, is that on the same token I am being told how important to the team I am. It's almost like I am being coddled! I mean if I am as good (I am by the way), as she says I am to the team, why am I always being ridden so damn hard. It seems like there is about two or three people where I work that always want to take what I say or do out of context, and then run off to the boss to taddle. I've really had enough of this shit!

Honestly..., just like one or two people around here, if you have a problem with me, then man up and tell and me to my face...., I can't stand "Back Stabbing".

So now that I have that off my chest, lets begin.

I really smell good right now..., I can't quite understand it. I mean it's really warm, so i'm kinda sweaty (Sitting here in nothing but boxer shorts... hahahahaha!!)...., but I can smell my skin, and it's kinda...., yum. I don't why I am telling you this, just wanted to share. Like I said it's really warm. Summer has finally hit I hope, we have been having some really nice weather over the last few days. Temperatures are getting up there with an average of 25C. To tell you the truth I am really loving it, not too hot, not too cold....., just right!

So what's going on then? Well I have the weekend off, after my marathon seven day stint at work. I have no idea what I am going to do, but I think that shopping is definitely on the agenda. Especially since payday is tomorrow..., YAY ME!!!! Have to get another few chapters out on my book over the next few days aswell, I only have two more, that complete the current part. Don't know where I will go from there but it should be good fun finding out. 

I'll let guys know how i'm getting on as the weekend progresses.

The importance of being earnest....

As you know, I hadn't planned on posting until the weekend. However something happened to me today..., for the first time I might add, that just begs to be spoken of. I got my first kinda nasty "Anonymous" comment. Oh it was hidden behind a warning sure..., but the nastiness is glaringly obvious..., to me at least. This seemed to be coupled with some very nasty shit on a fellow blogger's site. The guy in question has always struck me as a genuine and very loving guy..., why anyone thinks he deserves this type of crap, is well beyond me! If you are reading this Ryan, I am so sorry man, I would love to fight your battles for you..., and trust me, that is something I am exceedingly good at, but I can't. All I can do is try to be there for you, and anyone else that has to put up with this shit.

Life isn't really fair sometimes, you just have no choice but, to try to get through it with your sanity intact. Everyday i deal with more assholes than any person should have to, but then that's just the nature of the business I work in. In my job, I have been accused of murder, thievery, corruption..., and the downfall of society. According to one really "nice guy", the company I work for is responsible for every act of crime in my small country. I don't really believe that, but people are entitled to their opinions..., that doesn't mean I want to hear them though! So then..., to have to come home after a long day, when I already feel like absolute shit, all I really want to do, is to jump on here, and have the love..., that most of my followers show me..., wrap me up in a tight little ball, and make me feel sane and normal again.

But what is it I see? ... HATE!.

Before I continue I have something to show those of you, that care nothing for those I consider friends, for me, or for my sanity.....

 

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So here we go..., here is my all telling reasons on the pics that I post..., in keeping with the title of this post, I am going to be completely honest.

1) I have never made any false claims as to what I find attractive. I am Gay..., hence I like to look at guys. I do like to look at younger guys..., though I could, to tell you the truth, never really see myself in a relationship with one. I'm just too old for that anymore..., my limits tend to extend to 5yrs either side of my age right now..., that makes it 26 to 36. 

2) I choose the pics I post, based off of what I am feeling at the time. In the last case, being a hot summers evening, I was feeling particularly warm, therefore I posted beach and pool shots. I have a rather large selection to chose from..., as I am sure we all have! Some of the pics I have taken myself, but most were, and probably still are..., freely available from the web. So who is the real villain here?

3) I have never posted any image..., or even have any saved on my harddrive..., of any boy that seems even remotely under the legal age of consent in my country. That age would be 16 by the way. look it up if you don't believe me.  I'm not into that sort of thing.

4) I take great care to show images that are in no way lurid, suggestive..., or even pornographic in any way shape or form..., i'm not about that on my blog, if that's what you want then there are plenty of others around.  What you chose to do with these shots, is up to you, and all power to you..., what I do with them is my business.

5) AND THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT! My blog is not listed as "Not Safe For Work", there is no adult content warning here..., sure I swear a lot, but I dare you to go to any primary school and see if you can hear any different.

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Why do people feel the need to censor others..., what rite do they have to be this way? If anyone has ever had a problem with what I post, then I would rather you just "FLAG" the blog and let the people, that is their job, sort it out. Because to be honest, I really think that I would come up smelling like some very pretty roses. I don't plan on editing any of my posts, and I never delete either. So I guess there you have it. I post what I post, and I write what I write, because I want to. Not because I am trying to entertain..., if I do entertain you, then that's just gravy..., and so much the better.

I really don't know what this guy was implying..., does he think I am some kind of pedo? If that's the case then I have no idea where he gets that from. Why? ..  Because I'm Gay? Does the fact that I like to sleep with guys, all of a sudden make me a pedophile? No dickhead it does not! To tell you the truth, if that was where his mind went, then what does that say about him?

Having said all that, I have no problem with what anyone else chooses to view, if it is not to my taste, then I simply tune out, or switch off. You see, it's not my place to enforce censure on anyone but myself. And again I will be perfectly honest with you..., I have in the past, and will probably continue to do so..., talk to several young guys about all manner of things. Some are younger than legal age..., but we are all, in the end, human. I have gone through what they are now going through, so who am I to turn them away if they need or want help and advice? I don't believe there exists in any country, a legal age of consent for friendship. 

I have never turned a friend away..., even if I can't yet help them, and I don't plan to start now. To all of those who have in the past, and continue to show me the love of friendship..., I say THANK YOU! You all mean more to me than you could possibly imagine, but remember this....

This is my blog people..., mine..., I will do with it as I will.

Hate me..., Love me..., Ignore me..., I'll take all comers!

Courage and Honour!

Octavius.

Internalisation Strategy....

Wow..., i'm a terrible blogger..., it's been like 6 days since I posted some of my boring drivel. It's little wonder I'm feeling unloved..., I guess you guys must think I have forgotten about you, huh? Well no chance of that..., this, you, my story..., are the only things that are keeping me sane right now.

Work is the kicker here..., on a bit of a long run between days off, and I am just so tired when I get home, that I just don't seem to have the energy..., regardless of how much inclination I have. I do have some interesting shit (Well I think so anyway!) to talk about, so I'll update you all on the weekend. A trip down memory lane..., something I was talking about to my bestie the other night, over a very mediocre McDonalds meal..., should be fun.

To tide you over..., how about some yummy boys...

Gotta love a summer "Two for one special"..., huh?

It's not easy being me...

So..., I was listening to an interview by a fellow blogger, Mickey from HockeyKidMN, formerly "A gay hockey kids life". The interview is on a pod cast, and can be found HERE. It is about 40 mins in, but I didn't know that, and ended up listening to the whole thing..., was pretty good actually, and I highly recommend you go have a listen. Mickey is a good kid, but like a lot of "Closeted" young men, is finding life pretty hard and unfair. His blog is also worth a look..., I warn you now though, if you aren't into hockey, you soon will be!!
 
Anyways, the start of the podcast had the two guys talking about the Kinsey Scale, For ease of operation I will put the actual scale here...

Now the two presenters, who are gay by the way..., or at least one of them is, were going on about how they were at a party, and some fellas were asking where they thought they fell on the above scale. Apparently, according to the questioner, if you have had sex, with a person of the opposite gender, you can never be a "6". Now to me this is just absolute bullshit. "Why the fuck not?!" I would have asked. You see, in my mind..., if you haven't, then you will always wonder.

Now, I would consider myself to be a "6" in that I have no fantasies about women..., and I definitely have no desire to do anything sexual with one. Yet, in the past I have done. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are plenty of people out there that just knew from the off, that they were inclined to the same gender, but for me it was a definite process. I guess when I was a teenager, you could say I was a bit of a window shopper. I mean..., you have to try before you buy ..., right?

So getting back to the "6" part. I haven't had sex, or even thought about sex, with a chick in well over a decade. I am solely Gay..., the complete rainbow, if you will. To me, that makes me a "6"..., or am I wrong? Don't think that I am all about labels, because I truly am not, I just don't like people telling me what I can and can't be..., you know why? Coz Fuck them..., that's why!

So here it is..., I would like your opinion on all this. And if you feel comfortable enough to voice it, where you think you fit in the scale as well.

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Haven't heard much about Tyler from "I'll do tricks for you" lately..., but last report had him awake and talking..., and like a true teenager..., complaining. I think that was the best bit I heard...., he can't be all bad if he can bitch! Get well soon dude..., still thinking of you every day.

One of those "Good news/Bad news" things...

First off..., Ty from "I'll do tricks for you" is awake. The Docs brought him out of his coma, and after some time he opened his eyes..., good news indeed! You can get the full story from Ryan's BLOG. If you have the desire, go on over to both, and leave a few encouraging words.

Now then..., what the hell is going on with me? Not a great deal actually..., work is taking up to much of my time, and I hate it. My social life is still stagnant..., as after a hard day of talking to general fuckwits, I am finding it harder and harder to talk to the people I actually like. I really have to do something about this, or I will lose the few people I really care about, due to inaction on my side.

My writing is going really well..., click the pic to go to the story...

I am getting several really nice comments about it. The last few chapters have been really draining though. I really want to get it finished, so that I can try and get it published. That prospect is really exciting to me. And I'm sure that I could probably get a couple of novels out of my characters. I have even been considering a parallel book, from the other characters perspective. Could be an interesting thing to look into.

The weather has really turned to shit over here..., is very depressing. It's been raining fairly solidly for a couple of days... mist, fog, wind, cold..., it's supposed to summer damn it! Why have the weather gods forsaken me? Day off tomorrow, and it's gonna be raining again..., this sucks, a whole day, and I can't get out and enjoy it! Might go shopping though..., that might cheer me up.