It would have been my little brother's birthday today..., just seven days after mine..., I turned 32, he would have been 17. I was 15 when he came into my life, and through an unfortunate series of events, I was still 15 when he went out of it. I can't find it within myself to accept or forgive for that. I just can't get over what I missed out on, watching him grow to the fine young man, I know he would have been, watching him tumble through life's many obstacles, being right there to hold his hand or dry his tears.
All that was taken from me, and I'm really seriously bothered by it. What's worse is that I just can't ever seem to figure out why? One of the most provocative questions since man was still cavorting in caves and loincloths..., WHY?!
I've done a lot of soul searching over the years, spent some time in a deep depression, and more time at the bottom of a bottle. This wasn't all of it, no my brother was only part of it, but he was a big part. I've had people try to talk me out of it, I've even had people telling me about god's will..., well I can tell you now..., what an absolute load of total fucking BOLLOCKS!
I mean look..., if you want to follow a faith, and be all you can be for god, you go right ahead. Far be it for me to tell you how to live your life. But..., and this is a big but..., I cannot in all good conscience even begin to believe in something that would take away the love joy and happiness that was taken away from my family. Sorry but I just don't have the time or energy for that.
7 Tactical Suggestions...:
Hi there Octavius. Let me start with the good. Happy belated birthday!
I'm very sorry to hear about your brother. It is a very terrible and sad thing. One of the worst questions is 'what could have been?' But if he grew up to be half the man you are, he would have been an amazing and caring person.
You may not have been able to watch him grow up, but you are able to see some fine young boys grow into fantastic young men through the blogs. I know it's not the same, but it is still a wonderful thing to see.
Take care of yourself, and remember you have people here that care for you.
Be well.
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-Kevin
Sorry Bro. I know how you feel. I two have lost someone who I could not wait to see. My wife was 36 weeks along in our first pregnancy when something went wrong and the little life inside of her left us.
I knew she was going to be a special gift to us. She wanted to be with us because she would push against our hands when we touched my wife's belly.
Yea, that freaked me out the first time, but when she would do it time and time again and even follow along as I would trace my hand in patterns... wow... I gota stop here or else the water works will start...
Take care of yourself bro, you owe it to your brother to do good in this world and show him that it's not a bad place after all and maybe he will come back to you in another way.
Alan
Octavius I have no answers for you - wish I could say something wise to help but what.
I lost a twin brother when he was 6 months old with hooping cough and my younger sister lost her twin soon after birth - it cut mum up for years from what I gather.I often wonder what our lives would have been had they lived - like you all I can do is ask why and know that I'll never get an answer.So if nothing else I can share your grief.
Take care Stef
ps and a belated happy birtday.
I do like what Alan says - we were lucky enough to be given the gift of life so I suppose we owe it the the ones we lost to make the most of it but that still doesn't make it hurt any less.
Two things, both of which I love.
The first is a song, if you can find it. It will likely make you cry, but... well, here are the lyrics. http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/a/alan_parsons/brother_up_in_heaven.html
The second is a section from a trilogy called "Schrodinger's Cat". Go to this link - http://www.rawilsonfans.com/downloads/sct.htm - and "find" for "Suppose I were an extraterrestrial".
*solemn HUGS*
and ps: Happy birthday *special Sethboyardee Birthday Hugs*
Belated Happy Birthday.
And my condolences on your brother.
Please allow me to say two things. I don't think death is usually a miracle: God is not intervening in natural processes to make someone die. And although you can imagine all the good things your brother might have been and done, there is no absolute guarantee that things would have turned out that way.
The problem of evil is a major unanswered question, and the apparently untimely loss of a loved one is an obvious instance of it. So I'm not saying you're wrong to grieve the loss.
Octavius!
I think it's terribly sweet that you still think about your baby brother so often.
I know he's smiling down on you.
-Dean
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