The Long Kiss Goodnight...

I'd like to say that I haven't blogged in over a month, because I haven't had anything to blog about. But when I actually sit down and think about it..., well..., that really isn't true. The problem I have is that what I have had to blog about, is not all that pleasant. I haven't murdered anybody quite yet, so it's not that bad, it's just not overly happy is all.

To be honest, I've been feeling pretty depressed. My life as it stands, is one giant steaming pile of horseshit, or at least it has been. I'm still totally alone, and this really bothers me..., and to be fair, it's even for the lack of trying. But then, even my favourite toy doesn't seem to have that much appeal for me right now. Don't get me wrong..., we do still play..., just no where near as much as we used too..., if you catch my drift. I dunno..., I really just hope it's because I've been too tired lately.

Why am I tired? Well work is really hammering me. This whole new roster we have, is really getting me down. Four early starts, two days off, then four late finishes..., and then the whole thing starts all over again. It just seems like time is slipping away from me lately, or at least, that it's going a lot faster or something. I swear, that when I was doing a five on two off, the weeks weren't going this fast.

Then to add insult to injury, my worklife isn't going that well either. New manager, new overall boss..., and lot's of change. Why is it that very new person has to change things..., and why can't they see that what they're doing is not for the better? Can't they tell that we were happy the way we were? The mind truly boggles.

On the plus side, there is this particularly cute young fella that's started. Swimmers physique, not too tall, and the deepest most beautiful brown eye's I've ever seen..., not too mention a very cute butt. That I can work at all, when he's there, and in his usual "Playful" mode, is really quite beyond me. Be playful, I mean that he's an incessant tease..., he's beautiful, and sadly..., he knows it. Plus I think he knows what it does to me.I really am quite shameful in my staring..., must actually work on that at some point.

What it has done though, is brought out ,y feelings of loneliness. All I want is someone to hold, someone to love, who'll love me back..., is that really too much to ask? Honestly..., I don't think so..., sometimes I really feel like I'm destined to be alone.

Even my trusty Jeep failed me the other day, when i failed it's warent. Suspension swing arm and axle joint out of alignment. It's been that ay since I bought it, and has never been a problem in the past.., now it's a $1000 dollar problem. And that's money that at the time, I just didn't have..., thankfully the bank has sorted me out. But now, I'm in even greater debt..., I really hate debt!

Why does being an adult have to be so hard..., I thought it was supposed to be easy. In all seriousness..., I think I'd rather be 14 again