How it all started....

In a few blogs I frequent, the writers are telling how they discovered that they were gay. So I thought I would share my own tale....

Well, it begins in the eighties. My best friend at the time and I shared a very special secret. We were both 9, and in the same class at school, so I guess you could..., like most people, put it down to youthful experimentation. Me, however, I felt at that time the first pangs of what I would later discover to be love. It all came to a crashing end when I was 10, as my family moved away, and I never got to truelly express how I felt. Things went back to "normal" for a few years after that, which takes us into the nineties.

By this stage I was a strapping young lad, just under 6', and weighing in at about 75Kg. I was heavily into sport back then, running, cycling, tramping, cricket, and swimming. My mum was a teacher at the local highschool and so had a key to the school pool. Absolute winner that was! So anyways, I was pretty fit and a bit of a star with the ladies. At that stage I had had several girlfriends, but there always seemed to be something wrong..., something missing. Even the sex wasn't quite right..., know what I mean? It finally struck me one afternoon, while I was in the middle of having sex with my girlfriend at the time. I realised that while I was inside her, I was thinking of him, the one I left behind. I broke up with her after that, she was really sad about it, but I just couldn't do it anymore, it felt to me like I was lying to her or something.

That was when confusion set in..., I thought that there was something really wrong with me. In the early nineties there was not much spoken of homosexuality where I grew up. It was a small rural farming town. There was also no internet back then either, so I had no real place to go to to seek advice. I dropped out of most of my extracurricular activities, except cricket (I love that game so much!!), and spent most of my time in my room, trying to figure things out. It wasn't until I turned 15 that things really slotted into place.

In fifth form, a boy who I had known in primary school, came back from overseas. His dad was also a teacher, and had gone to Papua New Guinea to do something with the school system there. He and I got assigned together as lab partners. Took me a while to figure out who he was, though he seemed to know me straight away. We soon became friends, then better friends....

One night while crashing at mine, we started talking about sex, as boys do! Though really nervous, I trusted him, and so took a risk. I told him that I had had several encounters with girls, but that they didn't satisfy me. He asked what I meant, and so I told him. I will never forget the first thing that he said to me after the my "awesome revelation"..., 'Jesus is that all?'. I thought, and had been prepared for, him to run screaming from the room. But instead it had all been just a storm in a tea kettle. He told me that he had had similar feelings off and on, or so he said, I was still a little suspicious and paranoid back then. You know how small towns can be?!

So anyways, expecting the news to be all over school that monday, I was ready for the ridicule. When I saw him, he walked over to me as if if nothing had happened. That tea kettle thing again! It seemed as though my trust in him was well founded.

A couple weeks later we were crashing at mine again. After a little conversation, he steered us onto sex again. After about an hour, he just casually leaned over and kissed me on the mouth. I was a little shocked I don't mind telling you. That passed! The boy in question was a bit shorter than me about 55-60Kg, and well toned with strawberry blonde hair and gorgeously blue green eyes. He also had the cutest little freckles all over his nose. We ended up making out for some time, until we fell asleep in each others arms. Best night of my life, I was all smiles the next day, my mum thought I was on drugs or something.

The boy and I spent a great deal of time together after that, and we eventually became lovers. Him the top, me the bottom..., which is my preference.

Well that is about it really, I finally knew at 15yrs what and who I was. Though it would be some years before I would "Come out" about it..., and that is a story for another time...