Trapped....

You ever get that feeling..., you know the one..., that you are trapped? I do.

Let me explain what I mean..., well, I'm a fairly quiet guy..., most of the time. I prefer to just "Lone Wolf" it, on occasions. I never did really play that well with others..., this is kinda a continuation of my last post.

Why do I feel "Trapped"..., well sometimes, I just want to be left alone, to sort my own shit out..., or even just to enjoy my own company. In the most blatant example I can think of..., just look at my MSN..., how often do you see me available these days? Most of the time I am running silent, in stealth mode, because other wise, I tend to get ambushed.

Don't get me wrong, the people I have as contacts I really enjoy talking too, I value their counsel, and thoroughly enjoy what they have to say...., but sometimes it gets a bit much. Sometimes I just have to be on my own. I really don't want to sound mean here, but there is just no way of putting it nicely. This isn't aimed at any one in particular..., and I should be happy that i seem so popular..., I would just like you all to know how I feel.

Like I said, I do enjoy the company of others, but I can not be there, for everyone all the time, nor should anyone expect me, or anyone else to be. We all need our private time. I guess I just feel pressured sometimes, when someone wants to talk, I feel honour bound, to reply..., I guess that's just who I am. I mean, I don't want to be rude..., if I ever need you guys, I don't want to be the one, who loses out because I was a prick the other day, or whenever.

It's just that sometimes, I may be busy, I may be in a shitty mood, I may just not feel like talking. So if I don't get back to  you right away..., or I am not always available, then now you know why. I'm not being mean, or even ignoring you..., I just want to be alone sometimes. I know I am not the only one like this....

This isn't just about MSN either..., I am exactly the same in real life..., I have always preferred solitude, over large gatherings. That's not to say that I don't enjoy getting out there and having fun, I just sometimes need time to reflect, time to kick back and chillax..., contemplating my navel! That's why I love my friends so much..., my really close ones. You see they all know this, and know that if I don't respond, then I am in this "Mood" for want of a better term. They just step back and wait for me to reopen the lines of communication.

I truelly love them for this, because I know that they are there when I need them..., having said that though, I have never turned down a friend in need. If the message or phone call I get is one of need, then I am all the way there. I stop caring about me, it's all about them until the crisis is over, then I need to get back to my own shit.

I have been thinking about his a lot lately. There have been a few occasions lately, where I have tried to explain this to others. Whether they have listened, or will even read this, I have no idea.  But in the end, what they do has, and always will be, up to them. I just felt like spelling it out, in a little more detail..., maybe in the end, it gives you all a little more insight.