Ghost Rider...

I really do feel a little like a ghost lately. Like I'm stuck in a never ending malaise of unreality. Being a grown up sucks ass some times..., it really does.

Have had quite a bit to do over the last few days, and of course work has been weighing me down. Had to take my jeep in for a warrant the other day, which meant I had to get the windscreen replaced, as it had a rather large chip in it. It passed, but there was mention of the tires starting to perish.

So that lead to me relinquishing money I really don't have. To be honest the whole saga was grief from start to finish. As it turns out, the size tires I have aren't made anymore, and I had a spare that was a different size as well. So I had tire companies looking all over the country to try and sort me out..., GRIEF!!!! In the end, I just went with ones that were of the smaller size, I now have five of the same. Still cost a packet though!

Other than that, nothing much else has been happening, work still sucks and the love life isn't that much better. But I am keeping on. No point in dwelling eh? Got a few things I want to discuss, so you can expect a bit more of a regular posting schedule coming up..., well that's the plan anyway.... hahahaha!!

Hope all is well in your world...

Octavius.

Generations...

Wow! Interesting weekend. Finished work on Thursday evening and pretty much drove straight home to the parents house. Did have to stop off at mine, as I didn’t want to leave all my shit in the Jeep over the day…, to easy to steal anything, I didn’t want to run the risk. I tell you the last thing that I need is to have someone cut through my windows!

Drive wasn’t so bad, it’s only about an hour and a half away…, depending on traffic. Have always liked driving at night for some reason…, no idea why…, guess it’s just more peaceful. Anyways got home to find my brother and his Australian wife there. Out of all the years they have been together, I really have only spent a couple of days, in total, with her, so I still have yet to form a proper opinion. Not really sure about her though…, seems to need to be in the spotlight all the time, and I have to admit this bothers me a little. It was pretty late when I arrived, so we pretty much all went to bed…, well they did, I stayed up watching telly till I fell asleep a few hours later.

So the next day got rudely awoken far too early…, as I was on the lounge floor, by everyone walking around. I think I managed about five hours in the end. The kid was screaming, the brother was fighting with the wife…, all good natured, but they seemed to either forget that I was there, or they just didn’t care. Probably the latter…, my brother has been a right prick to me since we we’re both kids. I have no idea what his problem is, I mean he is the favourite…, and the oldest, so he always got everything, and I got punished and held back for his mistakes. Still…, I’m not bitter…, really

So when mum (The evil stepmother… hahahahaha…, no not really we love each other to pieces.), got home, we all packed up the vehicles and jumped in. Mum was riding with me, as there was only room for three in dad’s car, what with the baby in all, and I have this thing about smoking while I drive…, mum is the only other smoker of this group so she tagged along with me. Was a great trip, took about 4 hours to get to Taupo. Mum and I talking each other’s ears off the whole way. My sister, and my other niece, came down from Auckland and met us there. Was really good to see them, my god that little girl has shot up! My own fault for being lax in my visiting I guess.

Taupo itself was fantastic! Weather was beautiful, clear skies, sunny, and very hot the whole time we were there. Temps were hovering around the 30c (80f, for our American cousins) mark, even the nights were hot at around half that. Took the roof off of the Jeep, as soon as I got there. I just love the feeling of that…, that whole wind through the hair thing. Spent quite a bit of time, just running around the country side, doing the touristy things. The first night we had a kick ass bbq dinner, was super yum. Then the second night we went out for a picnic of ‘Fish and Chips’ on the side of the lake. Was just amazing to watch the sun go down over the hills, the sunstrike on water…, simply beautiful.

Went to a place called Huka Falls. It’s not really a water fall, in the traditional sense, but the awesome power of it can not be denied. The ‘Falls’ themselves is a passage in a river, where hundred odd meter expanse, is forced into a fifteen meter channel. You could feel the rumble of it up on the bridge. Went out on the second night. Town was pretty dead even though there was a big round the lakes fun run thing, but then I guess it is a little town. Didn’t see much in the way of candy, but there was a fella that I had my eye’s on. If I wasn’t with my brother, his wife, and my sister..., I may have even considered pursuing him. But alas, sober driver duties took precedence.

While I was there I took a walk along the track that ran beside the river. Was some truely beautiful scenery there. Reminds me just how lucky I am to live in the country I do...

On the drive home, the seating arrangements were the same, so mum and I spent even more time together. Was really great, as we usually don’t get to spend this much time together. Was an interesting trip home, ended up taking the loooonnnnggg route home. I admit, I missed a few turns, but neither of us really cared. We stopped at Ohakune for gas and a piece of bacon and egg pie…, YUM! Then headed down the island. Once we got to the homestead, we just chillaxed for a while, before having a bang up BBQ. Steaks and salad…, all good.

After dinner I drove home. Again at night, so I was shocked to see the hills on fire. Appears some child thought it would be fun to set fire to a few things. Shame for him it got way out of control. Still the skyline looked pretty cool as the hillside burned.

So that was my trip…., pretty cool huh?

Human Traffic....

I'm away for a few days. Going to a family thing up in Taupo. Should be fun, and i'll let you in on the goings on when I get back.

Hell is for Heroes...

I had a post all lined up..., even had it completely written out. But in the end, it was far too dark..., even for me!! Suffice it to say, I had a rather shitty day at work (Being understaffed in a busy period when everything breaks, is super uncool!!), and was stupid enough to contemplate writing a post. I have since thought better of posting it.

 

This is how it feels sometimes.

Thanks for all the comments, they really were my one and only shining light in an otherwise dreary day. And that email that you sent..., you know who you are (Though how you got out of the basement is anyone's guess... hahahahahaha!!), I will think about it. I make no guarantees though.

I have been rather down lately, and I do kinda feel cut off from the rest of the world. I have made a lot of friends in the blogsphere, but they all seem to be elsewhere in the world, and the time differences are really getting me down. Hence the "Cut off" feeling. I know that I shouldn't feel this way, but I do. I guess though, unless I move elsewhere in the world, which may be a possibility, I will just have to get over it.

Maybe one day I will be on the inside looking out..., instead of the outside looking in......

More later.....

Quantum of Solace...

So..., been a long time huh? Well i'm fine..., how are you?

Pleasantries and platitudes..., aren't they wonderful? All in all though I have been pretty much ok over the last week. My three day weekend was pretty good, did nothing other than write, but was pretty good all the same. When I got back to work on Tuesday, I discovered that the written warning I thought they were going to try and give me, had been reduced to a verbal. Seems the team leader had a conversation with the HR dept, and they must have told her to pull her head in. Honestly I like the woman but she isn't the sharpest tool in the shed..., she completely forgot about disciplinary procedure. Oh well my gain I guess.

Man I am getting really lazy with this whole ting. I mean I want to continue, and I really enjoy the company of you guys, even if it is just virtual. But I am just so tired lately, I can barely even think of jerking off when I get home. Maybe there is something actually wrong with me? Doubt it, but it would be a good excuse.

I guess I should explain the last post a bit. You guys were kinda half right and half wrong. What I was getting at, was that I'm feeling really isolated right now. I am stuck in this work, sleep, wake, try and wank, work, sleep..., perpetual cycle. The only thing keeping me going for a while there was the comments I was getting, both here and over at the story site. I mean I know it sounds bad, and yes I would like some cheese with my whine, but lately the comments seemed to have dried up. And to be honest, I am feeling a little like more and more every day I am alone.

It's probably just my head trying to fuck me up, but I can't discount it if you know what I mean. Maybe if I posted more...? Maybe I should just go back to enjoying my own company..., ah the Quantum of Solace.

All quiet on the Western front...

Been a little quiet of late, and to honest I am feeling a little unloved. I don't know if I am just being over sensitive, or it really is as I fell..., but there you go. Maybe it is just the fact that Valentines day is just around the corner, and like so many years before, I have no one special to spend it with. In times past, even though it is just a commercial gimic, I have really enjoyed Valentines..., one really is the loneliest number sometimes...



I don't know. Maybe i'm just over thinking things, but I really do feel this way. I see so many couples on the streets, and I just have to stop myself before I get angry. I just can't help but think..., "Why can't I have that?". I mean was is so terribly wrong with me, that I seem so destined to be alone?

One of those aforementioned couples I saw in the supermarket the other day..., they must have been atleast 70, but they still held hands all the way through, and were whispering and smiling at each other. Even after so long, well I assume it was, I mean who can tell these days..., they just seemed so loving, like they were back in high school or something..., it was really sweet for them..., but depressing for me.

I may post more about this later, but right now I have to get to work.

A Bridge Too Far...

Well hey there chaps..., had an interesting weekend. But Jesus! Did my bankcard take a pounding. Honestly!! It was like like an angry brother aiming for late night penetration without lube... hahahahaha!!!

Perhaps I should explain that a little. Saturday was a gorgeous day, around 27c and sunny as all hell! Consequently I did bugger all..., it was just too hot. Sunday however, the weather did a complete 180, and to cheer myself up I went shopping. I wasn't planning on spending much money, but then I am a sucker for sales, and as it turns out, Warehouse Stationary, was having a "Back to school" sale...., so in the end I did my own version of "Changing Rooms".

BEFORE...

 

 

 

AFTER...

 

  

Unfortunately I couldn't do much for the decor, as I don't own the place, but I did to my best to make things a little more homey like.I bought a new computer desk on the el'cheapo, and a decent office chair. This has had the effect of opening my small room up quite considerably, and it also means that i'm not always in bed... hahahaha!!!

The whole thing didn't end there though..., oh no! I also bought a new phone..., well when I say bought, what I actually mean, is got for absolutely free! I really love free stuff..., YAY VODAFONE!!!!

My old phone...

 

My new phone...

 

The dude at the store said, "It comes in black and white..., which would you prefer?" Now, I thought to myself...., I have nothing against the black one..., but white is so much cooler..., and well, there you go!

So there you have it, from shit weather to broke, in two easy steps! Still all in all, it was a good weekend, got to hang out with my heterosexual life partner, which was fun. Honestly the things we discuss, are really quite insane at times. Take this one for example...

I don't know how we got on to the subject, but we started talking about our first times. He was amazed when I laid it all out to him, so I thought I would share with you as well. You see, I guess I started quite young..., I mean all the kids were playing around where I lived so I just thought it was natural. I knew pretty early on, even though I didn't understand it, and wouldn't come to grips with it until I was about fifteen, but, as I said, I knew pretty early on that I was into guys. 

It all started when I was eight..., there was quite a few of us kids in the neighbourhood, of ages varying from mine (I was the youngest), to fourteen..., we would hang out, play street rugby or cricket, depending on the season. But we would also get together at eachother's houses, for what we called "Playtime", usually involving some kind of fooling around. I can remember being really into it, and would always look forward to it, though it didn't happen often for me, as I was pretty young. 

When I turned ten though, things got pretty serious, and by the time I was eleven, there was pretty much nothing I hadn't done with a guy. Looking back now, I guess I was too young, and there are some things I wish that I hadn't done, or at least done differently. No internet back then, so a lot of it, was on the job training..., if you get what I mean?

Like I said earlier, my mate was shocked..., he told me that he was sixteen his first time..., I kinda regretted telling him afterwards actually. He kept talking about molestation and shit like that, but to be honest, I can not remember ever having been coerced into anything. Maybe I was just too young to fully understand it, I don't know, all I know was that I was into it.

Funny the things you talk about with friends, huh?