Music Post - To acompany the pics...

Picture post - Something to tide you over...

I'm going off the reservation for a days..., so I thought I would leave you with a few tasty boys..., as kind of a parting gift..., there is a theme in there, lets see if you can figure it out, and where I may be... HA HA HA!!

Trapped....

You ever get that feeling..., you know the one..., that you are trapped? I do.

Let me explain what I mean..., well, I'm a fairly quiet guy..., most of the time. I prefer to just "Lone Wolf" it, on occasions. I never did really play that well with others..., this is kinda a continuation of my last post.

Why do I feel "Trapped"..., well sometimes, I just want to be left alone, to sort my own shit out..., or even just to enjoy my own company. In the most blatant example I can think of..., just look at my MSN..., how often do you see me available these days? Most of the time I am running silent, in stealth mode, because other wise, I tend to get ambushed.

Don't get me wrong, the people I have as contacts I really enjoy talking too, I value their counsel, and thoroughly enjoy what they have to say...., but sometimes it gets a bit much. Sometimes I just have to be on my own. I really don't want to sound mean here, but there is just no way of putting it nicely. This isn't aimed at any one in particular..., and I should be happy that i seem so popular..., I would just like you all to know how I feel.

Like I said, I do enjoy the company of others, but I can not be there, for everyone all the time, nor should anyone expect me, or anyone else to be. We all need our private time. I guess I just feel pressured sometimes, when someone wants to talk, I feel honour bound, to reply..., I guess that's just who I am. I mean, I don't want to be rude..., if I ever need you guys, I don't want to be the one, who loses out because I was a prick the other day, or whenever.

It's just that sometimes, I may be busy, I may be in a shitty mood, I may just not feel like talking. So if I don't get back to  you right away..., or I am not always available, then now you know why. I'm not being mean, or even ignoring you..., I just want to be alone sometimes. I know I am not the only one like this....

This isn't just about MSN either..., I am exactly the same in real life..., I have always preferred solitude, over large gatherings. That's not to say that I don't enjoy getting out there and having fun, I just sometimes need time to reflect, time to kick back and chillax..., contemplating my navel! That's why I love my friends so much..., my really close ones. You see they all know this, and know that if I don't respond, then I am in this "Mood" for want of a better term. They just step back and wait for me to reopen the lines of communication.

I truelly love them for this, because I know that they are there when I need them..., having said that though, I have never turned down a friend in need. If the message or phone call I get is one of need, then I am all the way there. I stop caring about me, it's all about them until the crisis is over, then I need to get back to my own shit.

I have been thinking about his a lot lately. There have been a few occasions lately, where I have tried to explain this to others. Whether they have listened, or will even read this, I have no idea.  But in the end, what they do has, and always will be, up to them. I just felt like spelling it out, in a little more detail..., maybe in the end, it gives you all a little more insight.

Friendship....

The last week has brought, in stark relief, what this word means to me. I have never been one for large social groups..., it's not that I don't fit in, I do..., but not in any normal way. A man like me, is far more comfortable, in small tight groups..., or even with just one other, even alone..., is that sad? Hmmm..., perhaps I should explain that...

In my life, I have never really, been able to settle..., or even yet to be settled, into any particular circle. In fact, to be fair, I have always considered myself to be a "Circle Jumper". Sounds like a kinda cool title huh? Well not really, what this means is that I have always been part of, but apart from, any circle that I come into contact with. It has left me lonely, in that although I am known by several hundreds of people, I  am in fact not fully known by many.

Having said that I do have some very special people in my life..., two in fact. Both of which I would die for, and they likewise. If I am feeling down I can pick up the phone and know they will be there for me...., and always I feel better for doing so. Also at the same time when I am happy, they are there to share it...., they never argue, they never gripe, they are just there, and I am there for them in the same way. I can't tell you the amount of times I have sat and listened, as they both have spilled all their troubles out to me.

So..., getting back to the point, "What is friendship"? Well..., to me it is simple..., unconditional love.

"Unconditional"..., good word that, let me go a little deeper...

So my two best friends..., if I ever found myself destitute, no money, nowhere to live, on the bones of my arse..., I know for a fact, the first thing out of their mouths would be..., "What do you need?" This to me is the whole unconditional thing. They would never ask for anything in return..., they love and care for me, and I them. That is true friendship.

In life, we will have many relationships, some good, some bad, and some indifferent..., but in the end..., and what we are all striving for I think..., is six people that will will not shrink away from the burden..., if you know what I mean?

So this is Christmas..., and what have you done?

The day has arrived..., Santa is home..., for some well deserved rest.., the reindeer are fed and watered..., having been ridden hard!

Well..., ok..., maybe not that hard...

What a day!! Well for me it is almost over, but for most of you that follow, or just lurk, it is probably not yet started...., I guess, being your future is a kind of cool feeling HA HA!

I do have some very interesting friends..., this below was one of my presents...

Yes that is a soft toy..., and yes it is a squid..., I have no idea why..., but to be honest,I really do quite like it. Weird huh?

Well..., what can I say..., gifts were well recieved, form all angles. Food was wonderful, adn the company was pretty decent as well.

So here it is..., to all of you who follow, and to those that just lurk as well....,



I wish you a very MERRY CHRISTMAS! And all the best for the New Year!

Roll on 2010!

Music Post - Thinking of him...

Gotta lighten the mood....

Was a little wet here today, but still pretty warm. Just perfect "Get you r clothes off weather"....